There are a few rules in comedy that are universal. Some would say there are words you shouldn't say on stage. Though we know plenty of comedians who say the most un-PC words and make millions. Some would say that you shouldn't wear shorts on stage. But we know there are a few world famous comics who break that taboo to great success. Both couldn't be farther away in the area of problematic issues on stage, but both ignite passionate responses. Then there are the rules of show up on time, don't run the light, and don't do crowd work as the host. These are more universal, but plenty of good hearted comics have done these things and we just roll our eyes, knowing its something that just happens.

But there is one thing that I think is a clear unwritten truth, and that's the rule to not talk about another comic's act on stage unless you're tagging it or saying jokes inspired by it. Recently, I experienced a comic who spent almost half his time on stage making the crowd feel awkward by calling me out for a joke he didn't like. So let's break down how to deal with comics when you don't appreciate their act or when they confront you either in person or like a coward from the stage with a mic. 

The Context of What Happened
Recently, I was at a small bar show working on a bit about weird marketing techniques I saw in the military branches. It was inspired by me having to read sponsorship copy out loud during a wrestling CIF D-V title match. Then from the back of the room a man in his 30's or 40's yelled out, "Watch it! I was in the Coast Guard!" I ignored it and said the joke to a nice response from the 5 people listening. 

Ninety minutes later, the heckler took the stage himself. Turns out he was a booked comic. He then used his time to talk about how I was knocking his service, how I completed nothing in my life, and how my newsletter was nothing worth reading. Clearly, he didn't hear the joke correctly, nor did he understand I was making fun of the marketing and not the service. The newsletter comment was a bit alarming because that means he probably has been brewing hatred for me before this or was upset I wrote about comedy. As for me completing nothing in life, I understand some people in the military take on a bit of savior complex - as many teachers I've worked with do as well - so I'll just chalk that up to him not knowing me and him feeling all non-military personal live "less than lives" in his eyes. 
But when he looked at me and singled me out by name and paused as if I would engage from the back of the room, I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders. I'm just going to be like Ted Lasso until I die.

Now, I'm a relatively confidant human being. A background of various work experiences, 20 years involved in wrestling, and age will help with that. So I wasn't afraid to say something, but wisdom told me not to say a damn thing. I've been physically attacked by customers before, one time by a MAGA loving redneck who put hands on me and threatened to kill me in a Mimi's Cafe parking lot because I was too "woke" for him. But I've never had a comic make a comment about my jokes while on stage. It wasn't so much jarring as it was out of place. When he got the light, I figured it was time to walk out and go home. No reason to watch an intoxicated person approach me after and potentially start a fight. That appeared to be his agenda, and I didn't need a black eye or broken glasses from a bar show.      

Why Comics Shouldn't Address Other Comics From Stage
For a second, let's say my silly joke was offensive to him, by addressing his frustrations on stage through verbal assault and no humor, he played the cowards way out. Because even if I yelled a retort from the back of the room, he still has the mic. That's why the comic always beats the heckler. But when the comic becomes the heckler, the room gets awkward and confused. In no way was I going to win. Either my response is drowned out by the atmosphere or I get a big laugh and he storms at me after he feels embarrassed. Eleven years in the game, I saw the future like a comedian Dr. Strange and there was really only one way this ends - not good. 

The mic and the stage naturally put the comic in a position of authority, which is why its important to maintain civility as the comic. When you go after anyone in the crowd, the crowd already sees you as the leader for a moment, and if you go too far they will turn. To say the crowd was feeling weird about the exchange was an understatement. First, a crowd showed up a few comics after my set, so no one knew what he was talking about, nor did they know I was the "Paul" he was calling out. 

Now, had he roasted me with jokes, his attack would be more acceptable and forgivable. Had he said earlier there was a guy making military jokes who looked like Seth Rogan if he ate Jonah Hill, then I'm cool. Had he said, he looks like the IT guy on the ship he was stationed on, or had he just made a joke how nerdy I was, fine. But to just say mean things in an attempt to build himself up was just bad form. I rarely see comics express frustrations about the show in this format. His aggressive body language was not a good look either, turning off the crowd. There's a way to handle this situation, and he broke every rule. He wasn't funny. He was personal. And he didn't get the crowd on his side because they weren't there when I was apparently hurting his feelings. 

Can You Address Comics From Stage? Or Should You Wait Until After the Show? 
The best way to address a comic from stage is a joke to tag off their joke. Let's say a comic says something you like, you make a continuous joke. But if you felt the comic crossed the line, a quick jab and pivot is perfectly fine. One time in 2018 a comic burned down the room with a rant against women, and when I got on stage after him I said, "I was going to ask him to be my wing man tonight. But I'd rather get laid instead." Then I moved into my set. It broke the ice from a stiff crowd and I got to say everything I wanted about the previous act through a quick joke. 

That's universally been appropriate within comedy circles, but to just make aggressive commentary about their act is such a childish way to handle it. 

If you feel the need to address a comic, do it privately. Be a professional. You have no idea what they produce, who they know, or how they'll feel being called out publicly. And hopefully your "constructive criticism" is geared at helping the joke and not just trashing the individual. 

The Bigger Picture at Hand 
But at the end of the day, a comic really should keep their mouth shut about another person's act. Because personal offense is an individual's own experience. What offends you might be fine with me and vice versa. 

I've had to sit through shows where the comics trashed white males, Christians, high school wrestlers, professional wrestling fans, or short guys? Did I scream out, "watch it!" Of course not. And I've seen plenty of LGBTQ+ comics have to sit through awful jokes by 20 year old males in their "edgy era," and they politely sit through it.

Comedy, at least decent comedy, has to have an offensive edge to it. There has to be a moment where the tension is built for the punchline to hit. And if it gets the laugh, which my joke did, then if you disagree with it, you're wrong. People laughed. And if no one laughed, then you can sit back and bask in a victory only you felt. 

That's how this works. The crowd decides. Not the comic.  

Final Thoughts
I debated if I wanted to spend time writing about this topic, because I didn't want it to come across as my own personal frustration or pet peeve. But I write about this scenario in case it happens to you. Or if you ever thought about taking down a comic when your turn was up. My suggestion is to either make it a quick funny jab or nothing at all. Let them succeed and fail on their own. 

​Since writing these articles from 2019 to 2023 for Flappers and now for this newsletter since January 2024, I've always shared my experiences as if they were our experiences. Because as comics we all are in this together. We meet through shows and other comics, and sometimes we meet again and sometimes we never see each other again. It's a journey, yet all of us are essentially trying to do the same thing - make people laugh and make some money in the process. So when we try to tear each other down, we aren't really helping any of those other goals from happening. It's hard enough out there, we don't need to be each other's obstacle. 

While suffering a short bout with insomnia, I decided to go back and watch the Men in Black films between 1997-2012. These were the films that made Will Smith a star and created a new career path filled with comedies for Tommy Lee Jones. On top of that, it was director Barry Sonnenfeld's first worldwide blockbuster hit after minor hits Get Shorty and the Adams Family films. What I was expecting was a silly collection of films from my high school and college days. Instead, I had one of the biggest Eureka! moments of my life concerning comedy. 

In the first film Jones plays a veteran MIB agent who sees the world the way it is, filled with both wonder and otherworldly threats. When he decides to return to his wife and live a normal life, he becomes domesticated and uninspired. In the second film he gets recruited back to the agency, but it isn't until his memory is returned he starts to notice the aliens around him again. There he is in New York, and regular people are walking around unassuming, but suddenly he sees the bright eyes of creatures from another planet, lizard tales scratching legs, and large headed people we would just ignore. It's as if his eyes could see something now they couldn't see before. 

That's how comedy works. Seeing the unseeable. Noticing the things others can't or don't want to. It is in our comedy eyes we make comedic gold. So let's break down how to tap into the comedy eye like Jones's character K did in the second film. 

What is a Comedy Eye? 
When you're at work or playing a sport, you use your eyes to notice things to be successful. Whether it's a typo in an email or the open man on the field, your vision in those areas determine the success you'll find. The same goes for comedy. A comedy eye sees the weirdness, fear, or stupidity of a situation. It takes nothing for granted or how it seems. 

A comedy eye is suspicious of everything and everyone. A comedy eye looks at the world critically, finding the worst, even in the best situation. It's when you get a raise but think they'll ask you to actually work now. It's getting a beautiful girlfriend and thinking she's going to cheat on you all the time now. It's a sort of optimistic cynicism that knows things are better, but for the worse. 

It's Louis CK calling his kids assholes. It's Paula Poundstone mocking the people saying second hand smoke is worse than smoking actual cigarettes. It's Jim Gaffigan criticizing happy adults at Disneyland. It's taking the "truths" of life and turning them on their heads. 

Most people don't call a baby an asshole. Most people take scientific studies at face value. And while you can mock Disney adults, most people just comment positive things on the social media posts. The comedic eye flips the script, creating tension in the room and actually surprises.

Literalism is the Death of Comedy
Most comics come from a place of literalism and obvious thoughts. It's why many don't do that great in comedy or get to the next level. Yes, bashing Donald Trump is fun, but it's easy. Declaring the importance of feminism, gay rights, and democracy is important in a free country, but it's not funny.

And as a comedian your job is to find the funny. Don't preach to the choir, throw shade at the choir. 
The best bits are when a member of the group makes fun of their own "tribe." It's Jeff Foxworthy making fun of rednecks. It's Iliza Shlesinger breaking down young women hypocrisy. It's Chris Rock going after OJ Simpson's supporters. The easy joke is to make fun of the elites, but making fun of your own group takes you to the next level. 

Often comics find applause at the open mics by going with the flow, instead of using their comic eye to find what's not right about a truth we've all accepted. Bill Burr's take on abortion being murder by using a cake baking metaphor is the prime example of this comedic eye. To stand on stage and say women shouldn't have to second guess their pro-choice stance might get applause but it doesn't get much laughter. 

Pete Holmes making fun of atheists for believing we came from nothing but also believing we die and go to nothing sounds like how Christians believe we come from God and then in death return to God. It is in the challenging of popular beliefs the best comics live. 

How to Develop Your Comedic Eye
I'll be honest and say most people don't feel safe using their comedic eye. They don't want to be "negative" or "mean" and they get enough short sets that they don't have to expand the act. There is time in your comedy where you stop caring how the crowd perceives you, and when you get tired of the easy jokes about Trump's bad hair or how the ice cream machine at McDonald's is always broken.

When you get past that and start to challenge your own worldview you'll start expanding your comedy vision. 

One way is to make a list of topics and write how you truly feel about them. Then make the opposite feeling the punchline. 

Example:

1. Truth: I believe all pet should be treated well and given a good life. 

Comedic Eye: Except that stupid Jack Russell next door that barks all night. I have fantasies about bigger dogs eating him. I thought about joining the NRA to see if they have ways of fixing this problem. Is it illegal to leave a box of See's Candies in their yard? Dogs can have chocolates, right?   

2. Truth: My girlfriend makes the best cupcakes in the world. 

Comedic Eye: But now I have diabetes and heart disease because of her. Couldn't she had made a salad once in a while? I've gained so much weight, it I break up with her I'll never get another one. I think she planned this to get my hundreds of dollars!      

Separating Set Up Truths From Punchlines 
Clearly, I don't want to murder a dog. Nor do I blame a non-existing girlfriend for my health. But if I would have said there's a dog who keeps me up at night and I told the owners about it, it's not that funny. 

Nor is me saying my girlfriend is the best ever and just leaving it at that. 
Comedy has different shades of the dark side of life, and more you tap into that, you'll find your comedic eye getting sharper. Everyone is seeing the good in the situation, but the comic eye sees the other side - the fear and the frustration.   

Final Thoughts 
In this age of roasting and mean spirited comedy, you don't have to go to that level, but you do have to create punchlines that surprise. You have to be willing to address topics others won't. Whether they are personal (your own health, your relationships, etc.) or universal (politics, current events, popular culture, etc.), each topic has to break down the weird feelings you get in your gut and then expand them into jokes. 

Don't be afraid to say strange or unpopular things. See where those instincts take you. I recently followed a movie review YouTuber because he hated a movie I loved. I wanted to see what else he was wrong about. I liked being challenged by his wrongness. 

​The first bit that really made me think I'd figured out a small piece of comedy was when someone asked if I had Down Syndrome. Instead of just getting mad, I wrote four minutes about how maybe I do and no one has told me. It's in the flipping of the script where you find the strength and the comedic eye in the fear - just like Tommy Lee Jones did as K.  

In the business world we have a phase "law of diminishing returns." Essentially, a business sells a product and people buy it but then they don't buy it again for a long while or not at all. Another way to look at this is you buy a product and use it once to great delight, but every time after it becomes a less pleasurable experience. Films and restaurant experiences are a great example of this. You see a movie once and every time after you like it less and less. And in your early days of comedy you might have gotten a handful or more of people to come see shows and now you're begging people to show up so the venue doesn't cancel. Well, your friends also feel a rate of diminishing returns seeing your shows, which is normal, but also ironic as you have probably improved a lot since they first saw you. So let's look at why your friends start dropping off and how to recover professionally and emotionally. 

Why Your Friends Stopped Coming
First, don't take it personal when those early supporters stop driving to your shows. After a few times spending hundreds in food, drinks, tickets, and parking they just can't keep dishing out their fun money on you. Plus, there's a good chance you dragged them to amateur night where you did five minutes and so did all the other bringers for the night. Even if there was a great closer (15-20 minute set by a decent comic), it still wasn't worth it since they could have had you tell them the jokes over dinner. 

Another reason people stop coming is because they probably don't feel the need to constantly support. Just like they probably only see their favorite band once or twice, why would they follow you from city to city? Another point similar to the previous is that you most likely book shows and THEN ask people to come, making it a chore for them to have to carve out time. There's nothing "organic" about it. On top of all of that, I bet your friendship decreased in personal time spent as you dedicated more time to comedy and less time to them. So they see comedy as a "home wrecker" in a way. 

​Often People Think You Should Be More Successful in a Few Years 
Here's the rub that they don't want to say out loud. In the first three or so years it's all very exciting for you and your friends. They get to tell people they know the comedian and they feel like VIP guests. Sometimes they get to see other comedians they know or like and your new hobby is much more fun to support as all your potential is up on stage. 

But a funny thing happens on the way to stardom - you don't actually get famous. You still have a day job. You might even have reduced your standard of living by driving Uber or working part time work to schedule more gigs. On one level you're climbing the ranks but only you and your fellow comics know it. To the outside world, you're still an amateur since you haven't been on The Tonight Show or Netflix. Your friends will never say this, but its what they're thinking. Even if you opened for the biggest star in the world, they'd still see you as an opener, regardless of the pay or venue.  

Time to Move On To Better Gigs 
Since I started doing stand up, 11 years ago, people have asked me how to get more spots at showcase clubs. I broke into the small clubs early on as a host and people assumed it was all the reasons except the one: The booker thought I was a good choice due to my teacher background and non-fame chasing energy. Too many comics are begging to open for a comic thinking that person will discover them. It rarely if never happens that way. I've opened for the biggest comics in the world, and they're all nice, and only a few ever asked me to open again for them. When you beg a booker for a spot to open for a bigger comic, just know they are thinking your are just seeking your own benefit. Maybe you are, which I fully support, but if you get in front of the A List comic, can the booker trust you not to ask to be on their podcast or open at future venues? 

I have a few writer buddies who get huge gigs, and it took me 10 years to feel comfortable to ask if I could pitch a joke for an awards show one was helping with. Because I don't want to ruin friendships by being "that guy."

So what do you do now? You get out of town! You stop worrying about local shows with 5 minute guest sets. Find venues that need seasoned comics. Find bars, casinos, and alt venues that need you more than they need your friends. When you're scrolling through socials and see a show that looks good, DM the name on the show you know. All they can do is pass on the booker's contact or say they can't. At least you know the process. 

But you can still ask. And I once had a very self-respected booker tell me never be scared to ask, because how else will he ever know when I'm free. He still hasn't booked me more than once, but rejection is part of the game.

Final Thoughts
While you might feel slighted by people as they become less enthusiastic in your journey, remember they didn't sign up for this - you did. It becomes your job to expand your career. Last year I did 200 shows, including multiple theaters. After sitting down with my accountant to figure out my taxes, I realized I had my best year in comedy but holistically, my finances were "unstable" at best. On paper my friends were excited about all my road gigs and were asking when I'll be in LA again. I sent them a few dates - but did they show? Of course not! So even after the Dry Bar, the road gigs, and the other notches on the old comedy status belt, they are done supporting shows. AND THAT'S OKAY. 

Jim Gaffigan doesn't ask all his friends to fill Madison Square Garden. And road comics don't gather the local neighborhood citizens to pack the Chucklehuts. At some point you will either pop with crowds or bookers or get cast in a show or...fill in the blank. 

​And then your friends will still be too busy. But at least you won't feel the need to ask them to validate your career. Remember, you aren't a comedian because your friends see your shows. You're a comedian because you get up and perform - regardless of the turnout or support.  

Over the past two months I've gotten to work in some big shows with some big headliners. As the producer/host for these shows, I know there is always the possibility the headliner shows up with two friends and my 15 minutes on stage turns into 5 minutes. It comes with the territory. Most shows I do are 20-40 minute sets, with some at an hour. But when the possibility of doing 5 minutes comes up, I get a bit nervous, mostly because, what in the heck do I want to do in a 5 minute set? This happens on all types of shows, and when your time gets cut, after you curse the comedy gods, you need to come up with a plan. 

When I was starting out, doing a tight five was the goal, but now, doing five minutes is harder because my brain wants to do a million different bits. Yet, a good comic has to have a 5, 10, 20, 30, and 40+ minute set ready. So let's breakdown the differences between what a 5 minute set does verses a 30+ minute set. 

Getting to the Point is Key 
When doing a 5 minute set, I have to have the opening joke ready. That first joke is so much more crucial than a longer set. If you get up on stage and fool around with crowd work, you'll find yourself potentially flailing early on without much time to recover. Know the the first thing you want to say and say it. If you are opening the show, after a quick welcome, make sure you get them laughing in a few seconds. If you are a guest set after the host, then either tag the host or do your thing. Waiting to "find the funny" on stage is the fastest road to death by guest set. 

Stay Away From Stories 
Maybe you're a storyteller comic and that's your bread and butter. I'm a storyteller comic, but I also have ten minutes of rapid fire setup-punch jokes for when my time has been cut. While your story might always "kill," ask yourself "when do I usually tell it?" If it's at the 8 or 15 or 20 minute mark, you've already established your stage presence. In a 5 minute set, you don't have that luxury. And, if the story doesn't land, there's no recovery. You're trapped in a story that sucks up 2-3 minutes of time. Why would you waste so much time with exposition when the crowd is sitting there waiting for laughter?   

Think In Laughs Per Second 
I know this seems weird, because comedy isn't a mathematical science. But think of five minutes as laughs per seconds, not laughs per joke. The worst 5 minute set should be a laugh every twenty seconds. That's 3 punchlines a minute. That's 15 good laughs. Doesn't sound that great, right? If you tell long jokes with no tags, you might get 5-7 laughs per set. 

Now, if you aren't trying to impress anyone, and you don't care, then who cares! But if you're reading this, then you want to succeed. And if you only get 5 minutes, the fasted way to impress is to have 4-5 jokes per minute. That's 20-25 laughs. Sounds a lot better, no? 

Choose Topics People Naturally Get    
I have a lot of alt comedy friends with great jokes about 1980's movies, weird video games, and silly products they have to explain on stage. But they know those jokes don't work in a 5 minute set. Why? Because they know people blurt out questions, and they need the time to give the bit an the audience the fair amount of time.   

Choose topics where the setup clearly creates an image in their head. Keep the topics and premises easy to understand. Don't fall into the trap that you'll be the most original comic on the show. I've seen comics try alt stories, weird props, and songs, only to fail in a 5 minute bit where those jokes thrived in a 20 minute set. 

Can I Prepare For 5 Minute Sets? 
John Wooden once said "Failing to prepare is preparing to fail." By having your best 20-25 jokes ready to go, you'll feel better when your time gets cut or you get a great guest set opportunity. Showcases, festivals, and auditions still like the 5 minute format, so be ready for those times when you are asked to do shorter sets. 

One thing you can do is ask friends who run shows for a 5 minute spot once a month, just to tune up incase you get asked to do one. Another thing to do is go to an open mic and run your five minutes to time it out. It really should be 4 minutes and 20 seconds to 4 minutes and 30 seconds to leave room for laughter. Never prep for a pure 5 minutes, as many things can occur, and you need the freedom not to rush. 

Maintain Your Normal Energy 
This brings me to my final tip, which is to still perform like you would if you were doing your normal 10 to 30+ minutes. Don't rush the jokes. Don't feel the pressure to get to everything. And if you have to switch to dealing with hecklers, either ignore them or engage if you know you have a quick retort. 
I'll give you an example. I was recently hosting a show and got the light. The set was going great by all accounts, and going into my final joke a about being heckled at an old folks home, a guy yells out, "Who are you? Larry David?"

Now, I could have made a joke about the heckle, but with the clock ticking, I finished the joke, knowing most of the 200+ audience never heard him. "Finish strong" went through my head and I did. In my younger days I might have tried to say something, giving me little time to recover. 

Final Thoughts
Whether you're doing a long or short set, you have one job - to get laughs. And you want to always present your brand of comedy as the same regardless of the time allotted. You want to have a plan, yes, but you want to show the maturity to be fluid and move with the nature of the show. While no one ever really got famous off a 5 minute hosting or guest set, if you can master it, higher level comics will see your skill set and start thinking about you for other gigs down the road. 
So start preparing now so you can maximize your success later!