​Most comics dream of being a professional comedian. The desire to travel the country (or world) from club to club getting paid to tell jokes is the ultimate goal after a comic starts getting good at stand up comedy. Yet, there are so many obstacles to becoming a professional comic, from traveling costs and logistics to gatekeepers to scheduling venues, many quit the dream when they start seeing a low rate of return. Plus, there are many definitions of what a full time professional comic looks like in this contemporary marketplace. So let's look at a few things to consider before you quit or job or worse - quit the dream. As someone who has spent the last decade in the stand up world and the last 18 years in the Hollywood industry, I can give you perspective more than I can give "fool proof" strategies to success. 

Comedian v. Professional Comedian Definitions 

If you do stand up, you're a comedian. You get on stage and tell jokes? You're a comic. Even if you don't get paid. Even if your only stage time is paid for through open mic fees and classes. You're a comic. And never let anyone take that title away from you. But if you aren't paid or make money off shows, then you aren't a "professional" comedian. Professionals get paid. Amateurs don't. There's nothing wrong with being an unpaid comic. But it's important for you and your psyche you clearly see the difference between the two. This will help with tracking progress and setting goals. 

Most comics who aren't paid for shows are labeled as "open micers" or just "micers." Snobby headliners or features will talk down to them, forgetting they were at that stage once too. But some jerk treated them less than human when they were climbing the comedy ladder, and they want to pay it forward as a form of self-validation. If anyone puts down your status as a comic, just know they aren't worth hanging with anyway. True headliners and established pros understand everyone is at a different place, and most acknowledge the elements of luck and chance playing into success.

Is the Pay in Stand Up Comedy Really Sustainable? 
One little open secret about "professional" comics is that stand up is not their only source of income. Comics, like actors and musicians, have side hustles and 9 to 5 jobs, just like most regular people. The difference is that their side hustles could range from teaching comedy classes to writing for other comics to being a part of a headliner's production team. Is comedy paying their bills? Yes. Is it just performing and collecting checks? Far from it. When I was running a comedy school, I was making enough to get by in LA, but if I didn't have all my paid comedy gigs, I really would have struggled. Both kept me afloat, but being on just the admin side or the creative side wasn't going to pay the rent. 

When I talk to my friends 20-30 years in, many have stories of family and spouses supporting their dream. Either a parent had a house they could live in for free, or their spouse made enough money to keep them housed while their extra $40,000-$50,000 a year doing comedy qualified them for slightly better housing. Meanwhile, other comedy friends were living with 3-5 roommates and rent was only a few hundred a month, and they were constantly living on the brink of homelessness. Driving Uber. Working the door of a comedy club for minimum wage. Slinging a hammer for cash. They could squeak by, barely paying rent, but gas and food became luxuries. Just because someone is killing it on stage, doesn't mean they're killing it in life.   

For one thing, a lot of road gigs aren't much money. Maybe $800 to headline and $400 to feature a weekend. If you can get through the NACA system, you could make $1500 to run an hour at a college. And while there is a romanticism to get passed by big clubs, often they only pay $50-$75 to showcase (sometimes). But keep in mind, the road gigs don't pay for travel. Sometimes they don't even cover food. Or it's a limited amount of free or discounted food. Let's say you drive 400 miles both ways for a gig, that's going to be $200 in gas. So your best bet to making the trip profitable is to book shows along the way. The problem is that the venues you can get into might not need talent when you're driving up. Plus, every stop will require additional lodging. Sure, you can fly, but when you get paid $1,000 for a gig, the flight might cost $500. After Ubering or renting a car to the venue, you might make a few hundred for the whole trip. Sometimes the math just doesn't math. 

Then there's what some venues require to book you. Don't even get me started on the requirements some venues have when it comes to followers on social media or pre-sales on tickets. Cruise ships require over an hour of material. Corporate gigs will give a list of topics you can't discuss. Once you get to the venue, you might have to adapt to the political, geographical, and demographical elements as well. All your "LA jokes" are useless in a city 400 miles away. Comedy is hard, and having the majority of the show on your shoulders can be difficult when a quarter of your act is thrown out thirty minutes before the show.    

Even If You Get the Dream Job - It's Still A Job 
While many dream of getting a calendar full of gigs, at some point it becomes job. You travel, book rooms, rent cars, and negotiate pay. That's why many give up on the road life and try to build a home in Hollywood or New York. A lot of comics dream of getting a writing job for a TV show. I know a lot of TV writers. I was a producer's assistant, which was a work-a-round to getting an extra writer at Nickelodeon at half the pay. It's long hours. The pay can be great, but you might not get up as much, since you're working late nights. And there will be long stretches of time you don't get paid on TV shows because of hiatus seasons. I know a lot of writers who gave up on stand up comedy because they had to bail on gigs due to late night writing sessions. So the irony is you are in the heart of the entertainment world, but you're a prisoner of your own success. You finally have the credit ("...writer on SNL...or The Tonight Show...") but you're working until midnight making other people funny. 

Maybe you can have a popular podcast, but that takes a lot of work too. Maybe you can make sketches and get paid through brand deals or social media packages, but that's a never ending cycle of creating disposable content. Plus, you have to be a bit of a fortune teller, making sure a year from now the sketch about losing weight doesn't get you in hot water to a society that hates "fat shaming." While "cancel culture" may or may not exist depending on the "crime," there is still a perception of it at times. And perception is everything in Hollywood.   

Sure, it's more "fun" than working your project management job, but every "job" still dominates your life at some point. The divorce rate in Hollywood is not an accident. Family can't always come first.  

Don't Quit Your Day Job...Unless You Want To Live Below Your Means   
I hate the expression "Don't quit your day job." It's such a rude way of telling someone you don't think they're good at what they do. I also hate it because it's a true statement that cuts like a knife through the dream of pursuing a career in the arts. Here's the thing, I've quit a few "day jobs" to give comedy my full attention. I quit a teaching job. I quit a project management job. I've also been laid off from jobs due to numerous reasons, forcing me to focus on my comedy and writing career. The only reason I can survive when this situation (by choice or not) happens is if I have savings. I have to have six months of savings as I try to build out my career.

Recently, after parting ways with Flappers, I've been able to do more road gigs, writing more articles to build my portfolio, and even create a high quality web series. I've submitted writing packets to late night shows and production studios looking for writers. The last seven months have been extremely productive. Not necessarily profitable. 

My saving grace is I can live below my means pretty well. The last seven months I haven't done anything "fun." No amusement park trips, sporting events, nice dates, or fancy restaurants. I live in a small apartment that I can afford. But even that gets dicey, and I've had friends and family help when money got tight. Money goes to necessities only. Many of you probably aren't willing to do that yet. And since I refuse to take loans or use credit cards to survive, it means every dollar gets analyzed and utilized - painfully.  

I've worked stages every week in 2024. I've performed in over 50 cities this year, and it's only July. I've performed over 150 shows this year. I know what the pay for none celebrity headliners is. In the words of Jesus, "Comics cannot live on road gigs alone." Okay, Jesus didn't say that. But had he been a comic, he would have.  

This is why a lot of comics have to do weird corporate gigs, cruise ships away from family members, and other gigs that have no limelight or benefit outside of keeping the lights on, in a house they never see. 

Final Thoughts
What I hope you get from this downer of an essay is that it's okay to treat stand up like a hobby. Even if it is an all consuming comedy. Many of your favorite comics struggle financially, and the ones who don't might have more support from friends and family than you would have info on. Don't feel like a "failure" because others aren't open about how they're doing. Everyone just assumes everyone is making it on their own. That's usually BS. People in all industries are "surviving" more than they are "thriving."  

I recently watched a documentary on Johnny Carson and learned he had four marriages, estranged grandchildren, and a DUI. He was worth $450 million on his deathbed, and yet NOT ONE PERSON was by his side when he died. His kids practically disowned him and his wife at the time was out of the country. Even if you reach the highest levels of success, you still might not find what you're looking for. 

​So just enjoy stand up for what it is. A chance to make people laugh. A way to fulfill your artistic side. And if that means you have to work a day job or take on side hustles, that's okay. It's unfair to yourself to put pressure on yourself to make a full time living when you aren't the one booking the shows or setting the pay. Stand up comedy really didn't start until the 1970's, and the kingmakers and gatekeepers change daily. No one really has a real roadmap to success. In the 1990's sitcoms were the goal. HBO Specials were the crowning achievement. Today, it's streaming or YouTube followings. So if you want to be a professional comic, keep at it, but remember, the real definition is just getting paid - in cash, not exposure.                

On July 13th I sat in the comic's green room area of the show I was on, and the headliner asked, "are we addressing the elephant in the room?" Just hours before the show, former president, Donald Trump, was shot at. Now unless new information becomes clear, this was a straight forward assassination attempt. While many can (and have) created conspiracy theory rhetoric, it's an attempt by one man to eliminate the voting power of half the nation. Regardless of where you stand in the MAGA worldview, the attempt was the least democratic way of addressing frustrations with Trump, Biden, etc. I've seen a lot of jokes about the shooter, the Secret Service, and Trump's fist pumping the air. While all subjects have the right to be discussed, dissected, deconstructed, and even just dissed in comedy, keep in mind that "it's just a joke" works much better making fun of President Biden's ramblings than Trump's near death experience. So while you may have already made your Twitter jokes, or chose to move on, here are a few things to think about when the next major event of this magnitude occurs. Because while many have the thought all jokes are okay, that doesn't mean there might not be repercussions for taking jabs at huge moments in history.    

It Might Be Funny, But Is It Wise? 
Many comedians think about the funny first and the wisdom of the joke next. When we look at the ever changing winds of "cancel culture," making truly divisive jokes about death, rape, child abuse, etc. could jolt the crowd to pay attention, but it cold also create a situation with the crowd or the venue. At the highest levels, comics like Bill Maher have faced huge pushback for "jokes," even going back to 2001 with his hot takes on which soldiers are the real brave ones. Louis CK's school shooter jokes got him in hot water just as he was trying to return. And comics like Kathy Griffin lost all their TV deals after holding a fake head of Donald Trump. 

On a minor level, I remember there was an open mic comic at Flappers who once made a joke about kids that was so offensive, he was asked to not come back to the open mics. Not everyone is paying to have those images pushed into their heads. And if you want to argue, "this is comedy, man! Get over it!" I would love to know if you'd made a dime in comedy these past couple months.     

I've heard stories about and seen bar shows coming to a World War III climax with fists flying after a few political jokes. I once lost a whole crowd on a Trump joke that was pretty tame. So anytime you have a triggering joke, keep in mind it's a bigger gamble than making a joke about how bad your date was during sex. People might think sex jokes are gross, but they might think joking about high wire topics like the assassination of a president or the death of a kid is in bad taste. 

Many comics like to say, "Carlin would make the joke!" Yes, but he also would make the joke in front of people who paid to see him. They came for his brand of envelope pushing jokes. He has a built in fan base. Also, Carlin might have done the joke in his HBO special but not while sitting next to Johnny Carson. Even Carlin knew there's a time a place for edgy jokes.   

Asking strangers to go down dark allies with you might not work. Your 10 minute set might not be the place to piss off a complete crowd. Even if you limit your jokes to social media, you could see a lot of notifications that create a headache, causing an internal debate if you should just take it down all together.       

Are You Prepared To Lose Gigs or Friends Over It?  
Recently, Jack Black canceled his Tenacious D concert tour when bandmate and best friend Kyle Gass "joked" on stage "Next time don't miss." Black condemned the joke, saying he doesn't support any violence of any kind and he then hinted he would no longer be associated with his long time friend. Seems excessive to many, but if you joke about something that others can't associate with, they are going to respond as such. Many called Black a coward, but maybe he just thinks jokes in that tone aren't funny. He's clearly anti-Trump, but he's not pro-death.  

Hot button and politically driven jokes are going to hit people differently. Many people believe that you "actually believe" what you say in your jokes. People aren't sophisticated. They're complicated. They don't get satire, but they might understand complex mathematics. I've told jokes about dating that are clearly exaggerated emotional truths, but people think they're real. So if you joke about how you think Trump should have been shot, even if "its just a joke," keep in mind people might think you're advocating for the murder of public official. You might think Trump is the greatest monster in the history of the world, but if you scream about how you agree with assassinations, you're going to look like Sarah Connor in T2: Judgment Day to many other people. 

Do These Jokes Work In Your Wheelhouse Brand?          
Let's say you want to tell a few hot take jokes. Here are a few things to consider. Are these jokes within your wheelhouse? If your act is about dating and dogs, do these jokes even fit? Or will they come out of nowhere, like the bullet shot at Trump? (See what I did there?)

How'd you feel about that? Did it feel out of place? Were you waiting for a joke to be made? Some people are probably upset by it. Sorry, mom. Some probably laughed. You're welcome, comics. And a few skimmed over it or didn't understand it. Hello, bots! 

The point is to think if the jokes make sense to your overall goals as a comic or writer. You don't want a situation where you lose a gig or get docked pay because you cross a line. There are so many things to joke about that can stay in the act. Jokes on passing political or social topics might not be the best way to spend your time when starting out.

If you are going to write jokes about this story, maybe address topics from an angle no one thought of. Like, why did the shooter give $15 to the DNC? How would Biden respond in his forgetful state? How could Trump change for the better after a near death Scrooge-like scenario. Don't go for the "easy" joke in hard times for others.   

Final Thoughts
We are in a very high octane time in our country. As the election comes closer and the options feel glim, you have a job to be funny first and run your Ted Talk second. If you want to split the room, I suggest you keep it with dick jokes and swear words. Most people understand their context within a comedy show. But the second you cross into hot take political beliefs territory, you should have a strong handle in how to walk through that material. The "it's just a joke" excuse is fine at an open mic and moving on, but once you are in front of bookers and crowds, you still need to make the choices that are best for your career. 

I have a few political jokes. But they fit within my brand of silly dating stories and fat jokes. You wouldn't know if I was liberal or conservative. Because I just want the crowd to think I'm funny. 

In 2016 I was in the finals of the Ventura Comedy Festival Competition. I was in my second year of stand up and couldn't believe I beat out 100 other comics to be in this position. In the greenroom one of the headliners from an earlier show was talking about stage presence. He said to another comic, "I can watch a comic and in five minutes I know if they're a headliner, feature, or opener." I was a little taken aback by the statement. Because I was thinking, there are a lot of headliners I'd seen who weren't that polished or confident, but I was unaware of comedy persona and branding at the time. I just assumed the funniest comics became headliners. But then as I continued doing stand up, I realized there is an attitude and a demeanor that lets the crowd know they are the main event. Let talk about a few things that make headliners, which gives them that Big Headliner Energy.  

Placement in the Lineup Matters 
Part of what gives a headliner an edge, besides the experience, is having the opportunity watch the show play out a little. They can evaluate the crowd and see what types of responses they give different jokes from the openers. While headliners have an established act, seeing the way people respond can bring a different level of expectation to the stage. Often, openers are more nervous because they are walking into the unknown. The host is taking the bullet, and then the feature has to assume the response the crowd gave the host will be similar until it isn't. But after 30 minutes or so into a show, a headliner can walk up and acknowledge the crowd's attitude, make the adjustments needed, and have a better game plan entering their set. Try to scan the room early, and read the room. If they're talking and laughing at their tables, they're here for a fun time. If they look bored by their own company, you might need to bring the energy earlier. This is a huge part of Big Headliner Energy.     

Walk to the Stage Like You Own It 
Despite not always knowing what kind of set you will have, I highly encourage you to take the stage with the right energy for you. Some comics like to wave (Jerry Seinfeld) and some like to look upset (Lewis Black). Steve Martin would do his false humility "oh stop" act. Regardless, the act of being you as you walk on stage is crucial to adopting Big Headliner Energy. I see too many comics be more concerned with setting up the stage to their specifications first. Moving the stool around. Putting their phone and keys somewhere. Having access to their drink. They completely ignore the audience. Your set begins one second before the host announces your name. You need set a vibe as the attention switches from the host to you. If you are the host, then set that vibe up front. Big Headliner Energy demands some type of respect. If you look lost, scared, confused, nervous, etc. the crowd will feed off that energy too. 

I'm not talking about high energy either. It might be suave energy, angry energy, smiling energy, single dad energy, fun mom energy, etc. But it's your act's energy starting the set off, and then you can carry that through your show.

Don't Care About the Outcome 
One sign of Big Headliner Energy is having an attitude that doesn't care about the outcome while on stage. You can care before and after the show, but in that moment, you have to accept that sometimes the jokes land hard and sometimes you get to steal a check. Big Headliner Energy means you don't live or die on every joke. You are trying to connect with the crowd. You are working the stage and not flustered by what's going on around you. Everything that happens around you is now game for the show. 

Too often comics wear their emotions on their sleaves. A look of shock hits their face when a joke doesn't land. A look of relief washes over them when a joke does well. You shouldn't be surprised by any response. You should adjust if needed, but the audience shouldn't know that you are. The goal is to be a pro every time. A few weeks ago I had a group of positive hecklers. One lady yelled out "yes! I know!" after every set up. And then another lady would throw out her own punchline after each set up. Both were annoying. Both threw off any mood or rhythm I was establishing. Both ruined jokes with eventual call backs. But I couldn't demonstrate an anger that said, "this is my show, you idiot!" That would be wrong. 

Instead, I had to act as if this normal, and I know what to do. Which I do. I politely told the "Yes Lady" that laughter is sufficient for the show, and she then realized she was blurting out loud. I then told "Miss Punchline" that heckling isn't allowed, because I'm getting paid by the punchline, and she's stealing my money. She shut up after that. Acknowledgment is fine. But showing them it really bothers you - not going to fly. By acting as if you have been explaining the rules of audience etiquette since you started, you'll win them back quickly.           

Final Thoughts 
Being a headliner isn't just about the years put in, the credits, or the amount of material you have. There are plenty of comics who have material and years and TV credits, but they don't bring that Big Headliner Energy. Like the comic I mentioned earlier, who said he can tell if someone has a headliner, feature, or opener vibe when they walk on stage, there is an energy you must hone in to be the best comic version of yourself. You get there by getting up as much as you can, taking the punches, and getting to the point where you aren't surprised by how the night ends up.

​Because in some weird way, you expected it the whole time. The ability to roll with the punches and command the room is the Big Headliner Energy we all need to capture to be the comic we were born to be.