​During the day, I've been running a gym. I have a crew of about eight 18-24 old college students that I manage and mentor in the sales and service game. They're all wonderful in their own ways. They also are learning a lot about how corporations and different generation bosses can have different expectations than their high school teachers and even parents have for them. Whether I'm dealing with tardiness or general defiance, I have to show both mercy and firmness.

Yes, we are paying them. And yes, I'm the "boss." But we aren't paying them enough to get berated by entitled gym members and their comedian boss. I've had high paying stressful jobs where the berating came with the pay. I've also worked minimum wage at multiple companies and the ones with easy going but firm bosses were always the most fun and rewarding.

Yet, if there's one thing I don't tolerate as a boss is when a member/customer tries to publicly embarrass or talk down to a college kid. I'm an adult, but when Papa Bear sees his cubs being pushed around, the claws will come out, and with my comedy skills and unusual amount of confidence, the bullies never see it coming when I step in. 

It is our duty in life to protect those who need help. That doesn't mean everyone wants the help, but when we see someone being mistreated, we must muster up the courage to de-escalate situations. This goes for comics too. When we see bad headliners, producers, or bookers mistreating people, we must at least make our presence felt, if only to create a vibe that forces the bully to step back.

Rights V. Responsibilities 
Most people are more concerned with their "rights" than their "responsibilities" and stopping bad behavior in front of you is all of our responsibilities. Even notice a bad customer service moment usually starts with a dude yelling about his personal rights? But what about his responsibilities? At my gym people will cancel their card on file and then their membership gets canceled. They will cry about how they were hurt and have a right to get their old price back. We can have that conversation, but what about their responsibility to update their form of payment with the computer system? I know when I change debit card info I spend a good couple hours contacting Netflix, Gyms, Subscriptions, Amazon, etc. to update - because that's my responsibility. 

The same goes with comics who have more leverage at clubs and see bad behavior. You have to call it out. I once was told a story how Jim Gaffigan was given some time on a bringer show as the headliner without knowing it was a bringer. When he saw one of the comics crying over being cut from the lineup, Jim told the slimy producer either she goes up or he's dropping out. That's the way you handle that. 

Maybe you're not at Jim Gaffigan's level, but when you see producers sexually harassing comics, making cuts in the lineup, etc. you can simply choose not to work with them anymore. And let them know why. As Gandhi said, "Be the comedian you want to see in the world."

Confronting Friends Is Not Easy But Necessary 
One thing I always hear from comics is, "How did they not know So and So was a creep? Why did they support them?" Well, that's simple. Bad comics don't always treat their friends poorly. My male buddies never took me out on a date. They never tried to sleep with me. Well, the straight ones at least. So I had no idea how they treated women.  So I can't react until I have a situation to react to. 

Ten years ago I got a message from a friend who told me a comic I was buddies with was super aggressive with her (she was the bartender at my show) and days later I heard the same thing from a female comic I had on the show. He was cut from future shows.

Was it easy? No. But the right thing to do and the harder thing to do is usually the same thing. He ended up moving away after becoming a parasite in the comedy community.

Now, can we always take the first story and run with it? No. But we can at least choose to stand up to those when it's been made clear this booker, comic, etc. is a creep. I've had to ban comedy students for sexually harassing other students. I've had to call people to let them know there were accusations made. I've had to tell comics they are no longer welcome due to bad behavior. Were these "fun" conversations? No. But I had a responsibility.

Current Stand Up Climate and Bullying 
Today, I see the bullying coming from bringer producers, bad bookers, and podcasters who think free speech is being hurt because their free flowing comments are bashed online. But the real bullies are those involved with Kill Tony. This seems to be mainstream bullying at it's lowest form. A show dedicated to mocking comics and their lives, from a rather loathed and despised comic named Tony Hinchcliffe. A man-child who goes after the delusional and makes millions doing it. Now, you can say these comics knew what they were getting themselves into - fair point. But I would say, it's based on the false promise of instant fame. 

Every week Tony calls names out of a bucket and bright eyed open-micers run up on stage hoping to be the next freak of the week Tony will give a golden ticket to. He's made "stars" out of Hans Kim and David Lucas by giving them the platform to say the most racist and outlandish "jokes," essentially profiting off their off-putting personalities. Hans is clearly on the spectrum, almost surprised that his off-color jokes get laughs. David makes it his goal to say things about racial issues so offensive, most of his videos are people walking out of his shows. 

This isn't standup. It's not even the circus. It's a WWE fan (Tony) turning his whole world into a weird porno where the comics become cucks to their own act. I was on a 2017 episode, when there was a bit more constructive criticism tucked away in the Belly Room, yet it has devolved into a cesspool of male toxicity, where women are sexualized, LGBTQ+ communities are mocked, and no one is getting paid except Tony and his henchmen. If that's your goal of reaching fame and fortune, by being a part of a certain to be doomed model, then go for it. But as for the rest of us, let's be better. 

Final Thoughts        
I hate bullying. I hated being bullied in junior high. I hated when athletes bullied other athletes when I coached. It's because I have felt that sting my whole life. The short, chubby, whimsical kid in school does get picked on. So as I built leverage in different industries, I made it my mission to create safe places. One of my 20 year old employees recently told me she used to be scared to come to work, but then I showed up and she's not afraid of members yelling at her because she knows I'm there to help and protect her. 

I had a male employee tell me recently I was the first boss he's had who he felt cared about him. Until me, he said he always felt disposable. It's important we remember our legacy is not the money we make, the rooms we play, or the special we produce. Our legacy is in how we treat people. When I think about how Hulk Hogan sold out every venue but when he died, millions said "I hope he's in hell." Yes, he had money and fame, but he died with millions hating him. 

There are bookers, producers, and comics today who "made it" but when they die, the world will forget about them. Mostly because they were bullies. 

​So as you keep climbing the ladder of success, I hope we all remember that those below us are not there to put our foot on to step up, but instead, they are there to catch us if we fall.     

​Imagine for one second a Good Samaritan tax was magically put into order all over the world and 5%-10% of your income would be transferred to a few people of your choosing. Who would you pick? Your mom and dad? Your best friend? A co-worker? A celebrity? The CEO of an Insurance Company? Or how about the owner of a comedy club or show producer? Weird question, I know. But to answer the question, you'd want your money going to people you like, respect, trust, etc. But yet, I hear comics complain about this booker or this club and this producer, but then they do their shows, festivals, classes, etc., only keeping the vicious capitalistic cycle going. 

There were nights in comedy that I realized I saved the show with how many friends came to support. Some bookers I liked helping more than others. Dave McNary at The Ice House was a good man, and helping him make the show great was a pleasure in my first few years. But over the years I saw there were producers and venues that undercut comics, ran bad shows, and mistreated staff. Those places no longer get me to help them make money. And I would highly suggest you rethink who you support as you start planning out your Fall and Winter schedules. 

Your Friends' Money Will Make Someone Wealthy
When you think about how comedy business models work, it's a racket. When you have friends buy tickets or food at a show, someone gets that money. Statistically, it isn't you. So when you promote a show you aren't producing or get a door deal on, think about how you're helping the places you choose to perform at. 

Looking back, had I known better, I would have started producing much earlier, taking advantage of early support. Instead, my friends got dragged to awful shows in bars and clubs, where the food was expensive, the drinks were weak, parking was a nightmare, and the ticket prices were too damn high for the talent on the card. Now, you only know what you know, but I've reached a point in my career where I'd rather do 20 great shows a year than 100 crappy ones. I'd rather be a part of shows with great lineups than associate myself with lousy ones. 

It might reduce your stage time, but your mental health and integrity will remain intact. That long drive home after having a bad experience or working with bad promoters is what builds comedy plaque around your soul.  

Even Participating in Shows You Don't Promote Helps Venues
Whenever I have these conversations with comics about how performing at crappy clubs is okay with them, I hear the argument, "but I don't bring" or "I don't even promote it." Fine, but being funny and making the show better only helps the promoters. 

Imagine a weird scenario where a friend is hating a show, thinking they just are going to ask for the check and leave after their bringer friend gets up. Instead, you jump onstage, get the crowd recharged, and now they order more drinks. Guess what you just did...yeah, you put more money into the club's pocket.

Or maybe you kill it and after the show the bringer's friends say, "that was great, let's come back the next time you do this show." Because that's literally how it goes and how the cockroaches of comedy survive. This is why it's upsetting to see A listers support producers and shows that have terrible reputations. Just remember that every time you bring your A game and effort to a show, you are making it better and more reputable.  

Final Thoughts
I've played a lot of venues, and I've had to make choices if I want to support certain clubs and bookers. It's cost me a lot of stage time, but at least when I drive home from gigs I feel good about myself - regardless of the show's turnout or pay. Because when I only work with bookers and comics I like and respect, I can justify my current existence. 

While many will say, "I need the stage time" or "all stage time is exposure" to counter these above arguments, I will always say that the crappy shows never made anyone famous. A-listers rarely have plucked a bringer from a bringer show to be their new right hand comic. Plus, your face plastered on a poster with ten other unknown comics doesn't really add any value to your comedy brand. 

And while it might suck not having as many gigs, what I can promise you is that your friends and family will thank you for not sending them to a bad show. And you will thank yourself avoiding the clubs begging you to bring more people. We all hate that email, right?

What I can promise you if you set these boundaries is that you won't feel dirty knowing infamous bookers and comedy club owners profited off you. So yes, you can get the stage time, but what does it profit a comic if they inherit the whole comedy scene but lose their soul? 

​So back to my original question: Who do you want to give 5%-10% of your comedy time to? It's probably the least thought of question of all.    

​After 11 years of doing I've stopped preparing for my shows outside of guaranteed sold out theater shows. So besides maybe 2-3 teacher/corporate gigs a year, I've stopped worrying about "what am I going to do?" Now, this wasn't always the case, as the first five or six years I had a plan, and if it didn't go well, well, "you can't win them all" was my mantra. But after my heart failure in 2021, I started to rethink the overplanning and started thinking about how can I win them all?

When you think about how many factors are involved before you take the stage, the arrogance of thinking your "jokes" will work in any environment is a one track pass to failure and for many...temporary depression and second guessing. While having some type of plan can make you feel secure, listening to the room and being aware of the vibes before you can help create a better experience for the comic and the crowd. While being narrow minded on what to say will only bring a lot of frustration and no real sense of how these jokes work in front a real crowd. Let's dive into the obstacles and how to deal with them before you drive an hour just to bomb for ten minutes. 

You Have No Idea How Many People Will Show Up
Often, our jokes work because there's a vibe 30-200 people can bring that let's us feel confidant to stick with an act. The audience wants you to win and as long as you're remotely funny, they'll go with it. But bringing the same energy to a normal size crowd when there's only 10 or less people makes you look like an escaped insane asylum patient. So I know you had this great opening joke about Pixar movies having lesbian characters or a Sydney Sweeney jeans joke, but in front of 10 embarrassed to be there patrons, those hot takes will look more scripted and unnatural. 

I was once told, never mention the size of the crowd. That's BS. Looking at the crowd and joking about how we're the only people dumb enough to come to tonight's show can break the ice. If a venue gets mad at you for acknowledging the poor turnout, that's on them. If the people laugh...you did your job. You might be able to transition into material after, or you might want to slow down and go more conversational. But if a producer stops booking you for pointing out the crowd, did you really want to go back? No. 

So when you have a set list and then you have to face 20 dead eyeballs, just take a deep breath, slow down, and talk to them. Be so in the moment and enjoying the awkwardness, they'll never forget you. Ask them questions. Turn it into an improv game. Be different. You can try jokes at dead open mics - give the only people in town supporting comedy something live and real. 

You Don't Know How The Comic Before You Will Do
Ever have the set list ready and the comic before you bombs AND turns on the room? Then you haven't lived yet. It's impossible to just walk on stage after the host or previous comic goes rogue and you're standing in the sh*t they left on the stage. In a ten minute showcase, you are going to have to sacrifice the first minute and address the awful time just had by all. You don't have to roast the bombing comic, but at least tag a joke. If they were complaining about their last girlfriend and it goes south, just make a joke like, "So you're saying your ex is single? Cool, set me up." Or if the comic is super gross, just go, "They do children's parties." Audiences love the acknowledgment factor. 

Too often comics think their set is in a vacuum. It's not. There are a million factors going into the show. The time it starts. The smells in the air. The price of the drinks. The size of the stage. The art on the wall. I've performed in art galleries with the lights up and naked drawings on the wall behind me. Every joke hits differently in that environment. You can't just not acknowledge it on some level. And when the comic before you bombs, call it out with friendly fire. 
If a comic does great, just say, "give it up for ______" and ride the wave. 

Audience Demographics Can Change the Vibe
I don't believe young crowds are more fun than older crowds. I've done too many rooms to believe that. But I do think younger crowds understand certain jokes differently than older crowds, and if you aren't prepared to adjust when the general knowledge varies from crowd to crowd, you'll find your jokes fall flat. 

I once had written a bunch of Avengers jokes after Endgame in 2019. I'm not going to lie, they'd kill faster than Thanos snaped his finger in front of a Comic Con crowd, except the 30 people were all over 60 and had NO IDEA what I was talking about. So instead of doing the jokes, I tried to explain comic book movies to them, and that went over worse than had I just done the jokes. 
When the first joke fell flat, I should have bailed and saved them for another group. Instead, I tried to power through, and I would say, easily, that was a mistake. I should have pivoted and I might have won them over and set up the show better. 

Every show has its own vibe. A night at the Comedy Store on a Tuesday is different than a Friday at the Improv. The YooHoo Room isn't the Lab. Not all bar shows are the same either. Different cities equals different town drunks to entertain. Sometimes its all married people and sometimes it's all dating couples. Sometimes the group likes your topics because they relate and sometimes they like your topics because they enjoy your enthusiasm and word play. 
In the words of Ted Lasso, not all people are the same people. 

Final Thoughts 
Shows are their own beasts. The travel time. The lineup. The venue. It all plays a part. Now, if you're only doing comedy clubs Thursday through Saturday or have an established fan base, then it's different. But when you jump from casino show to bar show to showcase to club feature spot, you will experience multiple waves of shows and need to adapt or die (on stage). Too many comics bring the exact same energy into every room and then feel disappointment and frustration because Tuesday night wasn't as fun as Saturday night. 

By understanding you prepare for the show in font of you and not the show you wished you had, you have a much better sense of where to go with the crowd. 

​I know a lot of 25-50 year old comics who seem confused when shows don't go well, as if the setting and external factors don't play a part. If anything, by adjusting to the room when needed, you'll completely help your comedy mental health. You'll relax knowing you can feel comfortable changing up the vibe as needed. Comedy is hard enough, you don't need to make it any harder.     

​The shot heard around the world. No, I'm not talking about World War I. I'm talking about Marc Maron going after Gen Z's favorite comedian and podcaster Theo Von. If you didn't watch the clip above, watch it now so you get the context. But essentially, curmudgeon Maron decided to go after the carefree Von for being a soft podcast interviewer, going as far to joke that he'd give Hitler a pass. Maron has infamously been the antagonist to young comics and more conservative comics for years now. He's gone on podcasts to talk about Bill Burr not defending women at the start of the #MeToo movement, and Jeff Dye went on the record to say Maron treated him poorly as an open micer. Below you'll see a picture of the two having a stare down at The Comedy Store, with Maron confronting him.

I was told by insiders they squashed their beef, but the pattern remains. The older generation seems to be peeved by the the new crop of comics and the older comics leaning into the Joe Rogan-esque manosphere are being called out by the older liberal ones. Not since the traditional comics and alt scene of the 1990's has there been this type of split, and it's going to create a chasm like that of a Protestant Reformation (Wiki that, you heathens). So let's look at the civil wars over the past 60 years and what usually is birthed out of it. 

The 1980's Comedy Strike and 1990's Alt Scene 
It's actually rather common for comics to have beefs with each other. Back in the 1970's and 1980's LA comics were told they can either be Improv or Comedy Store comics. This created wild rivalries and even prompted a strike where the comics realized they weren't being properly compensated and forced to take less work out of loyalty for the clubs that weren't sharing the profits with them. There are numerous books including "I'm Dying Up Here" about the history of the comedy scene that are a must read. That civil war eventually got comics paid at the clubs. Ironically, that pay never really went up. But those comics don't need the money from clubs, as movies, theater shows, and podcasts pay the bills now. Meanwhile, the younger comics have no money and less stage opportunities because those guys still suck up the stage time.   

We saw in the 1990's an alternative comedy scene lead by a young Marc Maron and other comics like Janeane Garofalo, moving away from the 1980's style (generic observation) and performing in alt venues, with weirder subject matters and topics to explore. Alt comedy became so popular, HBO would create mini-specials for these comics, and eventually their brand of comedy became the new norm. Ask any 35-45 year old comic who their inspirations were, and you'll hear Patton Oswald more than Jerry Seinfeld. 

The 1990's also brought the Late Night Wars with Jay Leno, David Letterman, Joan Rivers, Tom Snyder, and many others fighting it out for late night dominance. Today, Late Night TV is dying, as Stephen Colbert has been canceled, Conan O'Brien is doing HBO one off shows, and The Tonight Show is more popular on YouTube than with nightly viewers. We've even seen Leno come out and state the political divide hosts create make it harder on sponsors and TV networks to navigate. We've seen plenty of civil wars within this platform as well, but at least they all end up rich. (Please read last part sarcastically) 

Comics Becoming Podcasters Changed Everything  
Today, comics are abandoning TV and movies for free flowing podcasts. There was a time where Tom Segura and Christina P would have a sitcom instead of Your Mom's House. Theo Von would have been on SNL. And Bert Kreischer would have hosted a rebooted version of Fear Factor. But many of them have already stated on the record they can make more money podcasting and building a fanbase for theater shows. Plus, they can still find time for stand up. 

The godfathers of this platform shift are Adam Carolla and Joe Rogan. Both went after TV and movie careers, but their voices and opinions were better suited for long form discussions and interviews. Billy Collins once wrote the problem with poetry is it inspires more people to write poetry. The same can be said about podcasts. 

Today, every comic has some type of podcast, with a network of other comics joining each other's podcast, creating an incestuous circle jerk that has become a form of gatekeeping. There's the high brow Marc Maron, interviewing Barack Obama, and then the low brow Bad Friends with Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino, with their Asian jokes and Lee saying outrageously dumb things. 

Theo Von was the fasting growing low brow podcast until someone realized he was Gen Z's favorite hick. Soon established talents like Dave Ramsey and Jordan Peterson showed up, prompting Donald Trump's people to get him a spot on the guest rotation. On one level, the attempt to put world figures on Von's show is a brilliant PR move. On the other hand, he's completely unqualified to push back on controversial figures. So, the most controversial statements made by hard right leaning figures get automatically praised and the left leaning side of comedy goes nuts when Trump looks like a Gen Z  marketing genius after a 60-minute interview.

Hence, Maron's mocking of Von on his new comedy special.

Twitter X is Going Nuts Over This New Feud
While Von's show is not the best place for public figures to get pushed, compared to non-comedian shows like George Janko or Graham Stephan's The Iced Coffee Hour, who push back at the same type of people, there is clearly a capitalistic gain from all of this - from the actual show to the mockery of it. 

Maron has feuded with many young comics and conservative comics behind the mic. He's currently going after Rogan hard while promoting the new special. Some of this is just an old man waving his fist at the clouds, but its also a PR move on his end. Having less "intellectual" comics push their shows or point of view beyond their topics of knowledge might be easy to criticize, but it's easier to capitalize on it. 

Maron's clip I posted above is now setting YouTube ablaze. Maron is getting more press for that than anything else he talks about in the special. One, because it's really funny. But two, people like beef. We love the curtain being ripped away, only to find the pettiness and infighting occurs in the comedy world, like it does at your work. 

A few years ago Kreischer and Segura had a fake Tom v. Bert feud that sold a lot of t-shirts and comedy shows. Jimmy Kimmel's fake feud with Matt Damon made it all the way to the Oscars. It's important to remember that the calling out of success comics by other successful comics only puts money in everyone's pocket. 

The exception is when comics like Hannibal Buress start chipping away at Bill Cosby. Buress got fame, but not the type that made him a household name, because it wasn't a good natured feud. Andrew Dice Clay and Sam Kinison battled each other on Arseino Hall's late night show like 1980's WWF star would. Both sold out theaters in the process. Von and Maron's fans will simply just double down on their boy and both will make a lot more money out of this. So when you take a side, you might feel like you're standing up for some type of ethos or comedy values, but in the end the resistance to one just fans the flames of the opposing group.

Final Thoughts
I get the desire to pick sides and carry the torch for others we deem to by "our guy." I also get the need to call out others when they're in over their heads or making irresponsible statements. But don't forget all of this is to gain traction, earn more money, and promote the brand. These comics don't know you, nor do they care about your career. These are the same guys who are sucking up spots at the same clubs that gave them a start, and instead of passing the torch, they're hogging the limelight. 

​On top of all of that, you and I both know that they could have their own scandal break any second now. So defending one might end up looking bad in the future. 

As for talking about comics on stage, I suppose both have earned the write to do it. But I would not suggest it as a pathway to success. Instead, I see all of this as white people having it so good, all they can do is mock the other white people doing just a bit better.   

After 11 years of stand up comedy, teaching 1,000's of students, and spending endless hours at comedy shows, I can tell you one certifiable fact about why (most) men start doing stand up comedy. It's not about fame. Money was never really the motivator. Building a new community doesn't cross their mind. It's actually very simple, very human, and very primal. It's to get laid. Men might transition their comedy goals as they progress and turn it into a career, but in the beginning of their journey, men just want a girl to come up to them after the show, tell them they're funny, and then see where it goes from there. Or they hope to tell a random woman at a party or in line at a store or their day job co-worker, "I'm really a stand up comedian" and watch her drop her panties. So here's a breakdown of why doing comedy for the ladies doesn't really work and how it even promotes an incel mindset.

The Lie that Women Prefer Funny Guys    
In survey after survey we are told women put men with a sense of humor at number one of their most desirable qualities. Which explains why men would see comedy as a platform for showcasing their inner Robin Williams. While women might believe they are answering this question honestly, there are studies that show how women giggle and laugh at boys they think are cute when the boy says things that lead to dead end conversations or create uncomfortable silence. So it's not that Chad is funny. It's just he's awkward and she laughs to not seem judgmental or confused. So either he says something interesting and she can continue the conversation, or he's a cutie with the personality of a child or turnup and the default is think his ridiculousness is a joke.   

Albert Brooks was once asked if he thought the desire for a funny guy statistic was true. He scoffed with, "I'm pretty sure Fabio does better with women than Gilbert Gottfried. I'd like to give those women lie detectors." Brooks is one of the smartest, funniest, most talented men in Hollywood history. He knows his status and comedic skills only allowed him to date only so many women. So if a guy thinks exhibiting his comedic skills will advance his chances in the dating marketplace - he's only right if he's cute to women to begin with.

This is also why a lot of married women think their husband changed and isn't the life of the party she once saw him as. No. He's just not cute anymore, and therefore not funny anymore. And now kinda racist and sexist too.   

Most Comics Don't Get Laid After the Show 
The logic behind doing stand up to get laid is such a dumb one that it almost makes my head spin when I hear dudes complain about it. I remember one comic being bitter about it, telling me, "I'm doing all these shows, and I'm not getting laid after!" My response, "No one got laid doing three minutes in the Yoo-Hoo Room, Bob."  

When dudes start out in comedy, they tend to start out at open mics and only do minor showcase shows. No one is impressed by that, unless they already have a girlfriend to begin with or a girl ALREADY likes them. The rest of the society has already put the open micer on the bottom of the comedy food chain. Many women will wait to see if anything actually transpires from the comedy dreams before giving him a chance. When you think about it, being the opening act of a booked show, already devalues your sexual appeal if you're a man. Women don't face this bias the same way. I've performed all over the country and when I open I get dudes to offer to buy me drinks.

When I headline, I get women asking to take my picture with them and add me on IG. It's doesn't translate to romantic prospects, but since only 20% of comics are regularly headlining and the remaining 80% are opening acts, the idea the openers are pulling all these women is a silly thought to begin with.  

In fact, the most interesting observation I've made is that a comic with a great set might get no flirtatious reward after the show, and a dude who bombs will get a few ladies talking to him after the show. This always puzzles my comedy buddies. But I explain it this way: If the girl already found him cute when he hit the stage, then it doesn't matter how he does. But I also have a much more cynical theory I'll share, deeply rooted in subconscious psychology.   

If a woman sees a male comic bomb and still talks to him after the show, hoping maybe they'll hook up, while other dudes destroyed the room, it might be because she knows the less funny comic will probably quit sooner and give her the attention she deserves in a relationship. Whereas she might think the funnier comic is clearly going to be traveling and performing more, hence spending less time with her.  

I didn't want to take the cynical approach, but sadly, I've also seen a lot of mediocre male comics meet a girl at a show and give up comedy within months, while the comics who did well are still grinding. 

Make Sure Your Intentions and Goals Line Up
Regardless of your thoughts on this article, at the heart of it is a message that if you got into stand up for any other reason than to make people laugh, you'll never truly succeed. The irony of stand up is that the less cool and needy you appear on stage, the more successful you'll be. If you are trying to impress people and get personal gratification and validation out of this, you'll find a road leading to emptiness and eventual bitterness.

Much of the incel culture stems from men thinking if they do X then women will find them more attractive, not realizing that attraction goes beyond one hobby or job that they thought was going to solve all their problems. Making stand up your personality doesn't make you a desirable human. It makes you a brand. 

That's why maintaining the purity of the art is crucial. We all hear stories about creepy bookers, hosts, and producers using their power to get women to date them (or worse), and that behavior only leads to destruction. In our modern "receipt" catching world, your intentions will eventually be found out and mocked. We saw this with the perverts of comedy, and I know a lot of comics forced to quit or move back because they lead with their dick instead of their brain.  

Being decent and focused on your career will be the most attractive quality anyone can possess. And that means leading with your most human organ: your heart. 

Final Thoughts
I'm meeting more and more dudes upset that they aren't hooking up with audience members after the show. I never really thought women would find a traveling clown that sexy of a profession. At the end of the day, regular comics are just court jesters, modern carnies. Believing this is the road to success with women is like thinking signing up for YMCA swim classes will get you ready for the Olympics. Hell, I got into standup AFTER a break up thinking it would force me to not focus on my dating life. 

​None of this was written to say if you find love on the road with a comic, audience member, or just a regular person impressed by your comedy, it's tainted or wrong. Just don't make it the top reason. After working with 1,000's of comics, I've just seen too many young men and old men and middle age men (okay, just men in general) try to turn their comedy career into a Tinder IRL. It's a dead end.
And in comedy terms...a joke without a punchline.