Comics Shouldn't Trash Other Comics on Stage

There are a few rules in comedy that are universal. Some would say there are words you shouldn't say on stage. Though we know plenty of comedians who say the most un-PC words and make millions. Some would say that you shouldn't wear shorts on stage. But we know there are a few world famous comics who break that taboo to great success. Both couldn't be farther away in the area of problematic issues on stage, but both ignite passionate responses. Then there are the rules of show up on time, don't run the light, and don't do crowd work as the host. These are more universal, but plenty of good hearted comics have done these things and we just roll our eyes, knowing its something that just happens.

But there is one thing that I think is a clear unwritten truth, and that's the rule to not talk about another comic's act on stage unless you're tagging it or saying jokes inspired by it. Recently, I experienced a comic who spent almost half his time on stage making the crowd feel awkward by calling me out for a joke he didn't like. So let's break down how to deal with comics when you don't appreciate their act or when they confront you either in person or like a coward from the stage with a mic. 

The Context of What Happened
Recently, I was at a small bar show working on a bit about weird marketing techniques I saw in the military branches. It was inspired by me having to read sponsorship copy out loud during a wrestling CIF D-V title match. Then from the back of the room a man in his 30's or 40's yelled out, "Watch it! I was in the Coast Guard!" I ignored it and said the joke to a nice response from the 5 people listening. 

Ninety minutes later, the heckler took the stage himself. Turns out he was a booked comic. He then used his time to talk about how I was knocking his service, how I completed nothing in my life, and how my newsletter was nothing worth reading. Clearly, he didn't hear the joke correctly, nor did he understand I was making fun of the marketing and not the service. The newsletter comment was a bit alarming because that means he probably has been brewing hatred for me before this or was upset I wrote about comedy. As for me completing nothing in life, I understand some people in the military take on a bit of savior complex - as many teachers I've worked with do as well - so I'll just chalk that up to him not knowing me and him feeling all non-military personal live "less than lives" in his eyes. 
But when he looked at me and singled me out by name and paused as if I would engage from the back of the room, I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders. I'm just going to be like Ted Lasso until I die.

Now, I'm a relatively confidant human being. A background of various work experiences, 20 years involved in wrestling, and age will help with that. So I wasn't afraid to say something, but wisdom told me not to say a damn thing. I've been physically attacked by customers before, one time by a MAGA loving redneck who put hands on me and threatened to kill me in a Mimi's Cafe parking lot because I was too "woke" for him. But I've never had a comic make a comment about my jokes while on stage. It wasn't so much jarring as it was out of place. When he got the light, I figured it was time to walk out and go home. No reason to watch an intoxicated person approach me after and potentially start a fight. That appeared to be his agenda, and I didn't need a black eye or broken glasses from a bar show.      

Why Comics Shouldn't Address Other Comics From Stage
For a second, let's say my silly joke was offensive to him, by addressing his frustrations on stage through verbal assault and no humor, he played the cowards way out. Because even if I yelled a retort from the back of the room, he still has the mic. That's why the comic always beats the heckler. But when the comic becomes the heckler, the room gets awkward and confused. In no way was I going to win. Either my response is drowned out by the atmosphere or I get a big laugh and he storms at me after he feels embarrassed. Eleven years in the game, I saw the future like a comedian Dr. Strange and there was really only one way this ends - not good. 

The mic and the stage naturally put the comic in a position of authority, which is why its important to maintain civility as the comic. When you go after anyone in the crowd, the crowd already sees you as the leader for a moment, and if you go too far they will turn. To say the crowd was feeling weird about the exchange was an understatement. First, a crowd showed up a few comics after my set, so no one knew what he was talking about, nor did they know I was the "Paul" he was calling out. 

Now, had he roasted me with jokes, his attack would be more acceptable and forgivable. Had he said earlier there was a guy making military jokes who looked like Seth Rogan if he ate Jonah Hill, then I'm cool. Had he said, he looks like the IT guy on the ship he was stationed on, or had he just made a joke how nerdy I was, fine. But to just say mean things in an attempt to build himself up was just bad form. I rarely see comics express frustrations about the show in this format. His aggressive body language was not a good look either, turning off the crowd. There's a way to handle this situation, and he broke every rule. He wasn't funny. He was personal. And he didn't get the crowd on his side because they weren't there when I was apparently hurting his feelings. 

Can You Address Comics From Stage? Or Should You Wait Until After the Show? 
The best way to address a comic from stage is a joke to tag off their joke. Let's say a comic says something you like, you make a continuous joke. But if you felt the comic crossed the line, a quick jab and pivot is perfectly fine. One time in 2018 a comic burned down the room with a rant against women, and when I got on stage after him I said, "I was going to ask him to be my wing man tonight. But I'd rather get laid instead." Then I moved into my set. It broke the ice from a stiff crowd and I got to say everything I wanted about the previous act through a quick joke. 

That's universally been appropriate within comedy circles, but to just make aggressive commentary about their act is such a childish way to handle it. 

If you feel the need to address a comic, do it privately. Be a professional. You have no idea what they produce, who they know, or how they'll feel being called out publicly. And hopefully your "constructive criticism" is geared at helping the joke and not just trashing the individual. 

The Bigger Picture at Hand 
But at the end of the day, a comic really should keep their mouth shut about another person's act. Because personal offense is an individual's own experience. What offends you might be fine with me and vice versa. 

I've had to sit through shows where the comics trashed white males, Christians, high school wrestlers, professional wrestling fans, or short guys? Did I scream out, "watch it!" Of course not. And I've seen plenty of LGBTQ+ comics have to sit through awful jokes by 20 year old males in their "edgy era," and they politely sit through it.

Comedy, at least decent comedy, has to have an offensive edge to it. There has to be a moment where the tension is built for the punchline to hit. And if it gets the laugh, which my joke did, then if you disagree with it, you're wrong. People laughed. And if no one laughed, then you can sit back and bask in a victory only you felt. 

That's how this works. The crowd decides. Not the comic.  

Final Thoughts
I debated if I wanted to spend time writing about this topic, because I didn't want it to come across as my own personal frustration or pet peeve. But I write about this scenario in case it happens to you. Or if you ever thought about taking down a comic when your turn was up. My suggestion is to either make it a quick funny jab or nothing at all. Let them succeed and fail on their own. 

​Since writing these articles from 2019 to 2023 for Flappers and now for this newsletter since January 2024, I've always shared my experiences as if they were our experiences. Because as comics we all are in this together. We meet through shows and other comics, and sometimes we meet again and sometimes we never see each other again. It's a journey, yet all of us are essentially trying to do the same thing - make people laugh and make some money in the process. So when we try to tear each other down, we aren't really helping any of those other goals from happening. It's hard enough out there, we don't need to be each other's obstacle.