Deal With Disappointment

I taught English Literature at both the AP and College level for a combined 12 years. If there's one thing I learned teaching literature whether it was Hamlet, Death of a Salesman, or Life of Pi, most classic books and plays are tragic in their ending. Hamlet dies protecting his father's honor, Willy Loman kills himself for an insurance policy to give his kids, and Pi loses everything and nearly dies in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The characters are thrust into a situation above their paygrade and forced to pull through. Sometimes they find a silver lining and sometimes it ends tragically. Happy stories don't really survive the test of time in literature. Even in children's literature, Harry Potter lives on after facing great evil, Frodo finds refuge in leaving the shire for Hobbit heaven, and Dr. Seuss warns us the places we'll go are dark and scary more often than not. Yet they are the stories we retell over and over again. It's in that conflict most of us find our best comedy too. Woody Allen was quoted as saying comedy is just Tragedy + Time, and he couldn't be more right. 

Movies are different. But life isn't a Disney animated classic film. Not all blockheads become real boys. Not all red head wild children find their prince. And rarely does the Genie get his freedom. Yet those stories stay with us as well. Because life is complicated. Life is both finding your prince or princess AND it's realizing you can't afford the castle your thought you'd get. Life is trying to make your parents proud, only to realize they never really would be satisfied with your choices. In the film Stranger Than Fiction, Will Ferrell finds himself in a comedic tragedy, learning he has no control over his destiny, yet finds some solace in love. The tragedy put upon him are funny to the outside world, yet unbearable to live through. 

The balance between comedy and tragedy plays itself also through a life pursuing a dream in stand up. I don't care if you're Jerry Seinfeld or a nineteen year old open micer, there are shades of disappointment hovering your journey. Because comedy, acting, music, etc. has gatekeepers and boundaries you might not be able to break through, regardless of effort or talent. Even if you try to build a fan base, you might find your comedy works in an evergreen way, but not in a sell out the venue sort of way. Unrecognized talent and appreciation is a burden everyone from Jesus to Vincent van Gogh to the producers of Paul Reiser's Hulu show Reboot have felt. Jesus and van Gogh eventually got their flowers, but those poor Reboot writers are still trying to find work. 

So how do you deal with disappointment in an industry that takes more than it gives? You focus on the good and work to fix the bad. Maybe you're not making a lot of money, but you're getting more bookings than you did before. Maybe that booker isn't booking you but he's responding to your emails. Maybe you're always tired, but it's because you're making time to write jokes and edit clips. People who workout are tired too. Because they earned it. Not all tired is bad.  

Recently, my car was stolen, got into an accident, and the adjuster told me it's totaled. I'm going to break even on costs and be carless. While that sucks, I'm also going to be debt free now. With that comes a lot of freedom. The Bible says "the borrower is slave to the lender." That is felt every 10th of the month when I had to pay Premier Credit Union. I might not have a car, but I can at least sleep at night knowing I no longer have 4 years of payments. That doesn't solve my car crisis, but if I only focus on the car crisis, I'll never figure out how to move forward.   

In the story of The Good Samaritan, a man is beaten and robbed on the road. Two men ignore him. Then a Samaritan helps him and takes him to an inn to have his wounds healed. Most parables are violent, wild stories about death, broken up families, houses that fall apart, and losing money. Often people see themselves as the hero - they see themselves as the Samaritan. But sometimes they are the man left on the side of the road. And some are the robbers. And most are the men who step over the left-for-dead-man from Jerusalem. Sometimes we play different parts in the same repeating stories of life. We have to give ourselves grace knowing we aren't always getting a happy story. 

As we live out the tragic, we can question God like Job, but be prepared to not get the answer we want or any at all. Yet, there is one thing we all can do to deal with the harsh winds of life.     

One thing we all can do when we feel disappointment is to help those in need. As Gandhi said, "be the change you want to see in the world." Recently, I had a co-headliner gig canceled, so I reached out to the other comic and booked them for a show I produce. They didn't ask, but I knew they needed a pick me up.      

So when you are disappointed, find a way to help someone else in need. It might mean just sending them an encouraging text or liking their Instagram post. I know I still get excited when people who don't normally comment or like my posts show them some love. 

Too often we see one side of the coin, but every scenario has a way out. We just have to be brave enough to look through the pain to go through. 

• We often might feel like a victim, which we very well might be. But yet, we must never victimize others on the journey. 
• We often might realize there are only questions and no answers. But yet, we must try to solve the riddles, even if our guesses are incorrect and our conclusions make others angry. 
• We often might see darkness ahead because our flashlight is quite small. But yet, we must move forward, even if only one small step at a time. 

I don't know what's going to happen with my car and my driving situation. Stand up doesn't always cover every bill. But in my disappointment, I know I can still find ways to cheer up others and support where I can. Life is a mixture of tragedy and comedy. We will be up one day and down another. Sometimes its important to remember we get one spin around the sun, and we just have to make the best of those ups and downs. I'm 43, and I know I'll have a car again soon. Just not tomorrow. I'm also reminded that we can only get over our disappointments is if we press forward. Idle cars can't find much use for the rearview mirror. 

In the words of Gandalf to to Bilbo after their first adventure of dragons and war he looks at the Hobbit to say, "You are only quite a little fellow in a wide world after all!"
May we always think of ourselves as a little fellow in a wide world. If only so our problems don't feel any bigger than us.