Dealing with Bookers in the Dreadful Email Game

One of the most frustrating parts of this comedy life is the wait. As the old song says, "waiting is the hardest part." And Tom Petty wasn't lying. Too often we find ourselves waiting for a booker to just confirm a date or acknowledge an email. While it's easy to get frustrated, the reality of the system has to set in and once you concede that "professional" comedy is often a one way street where one side is supposed to be way more professional and understanding than the other side, you'll sleep better at night knowing keeping your cool and just going with the punches is part of the longevity of of this game. 

This Ain't Corporate America 
One aspect of stand up many never get over is how comedy clubs act like they owe you nothing. This is the complete opposite of a regular 9 to 5 job. In corporate America people email you back. They have to. If you get fired, you can just throw back in their face the unprofessional business demeanor. When the business is ran in a strip mall next to a massage parlor and Chinese food buffet, you just don't get that same homespun touch. 

So you email a booker and they don't email you back, even though you have a good relationship with them. Or they asked you to send in some stuff, and then it goes into the abyss. It's not right and it's not fair. It's actually rather cruel, and if you wonder why a lot of the good guys get out of stand up, it's because a lot of good people don't let people treat them like that. Gluttons for punishment do, and that's how you get these middle aged men who never made $1 doing stand up still begging for 5 minute spots fifteen to twenty years in the game. They sorta love the rejection of it all. 

Send your avails, but just don't expect them to give you the time of day. 

The Moral Responsibility of Club Owners 
A comedy club owner will say they owe you nothing. I disagree. If you are the owner of a venue and you don't have a CLEAR pathway to getting booked, then you're doing it wrong. And since you know the business model requires comedians cold calling (cold emailing) for spots, then there should be a way to give constructive feedback or responses. 

I've had bookers write back they have no work for me and that was helpful. But when you keep sending emails just to finally get a response months later, it becomes a rather depressing process. 
Why not have a system where comics have to reach certain milestones to email first? Or just come out and list the requirements to host, feature, guest, and headline? And post the pay like a job would. 

Hosts: Must be local as no condo provide. Pay $25 a show with free meal each night. Must work clean. Please email on Sundays between 8am and 12pm. 10 minutes of time.  

Guest: Please email Monday the week of. No pay. One free drink. Must be a local open mic comic on on Thursdays or have performed at the club before and are traveling through town. 5-8 minutes. 

Feature: Base pay $100 a show. Must have two major credits and a reference from one comedy club in your hometown. Please email only on Tuesday's between 12pm and 6pm. Free meal each night and will stay in condo. 25-30 minutes.   

Headliner: Must have at least three major credits. Pay is 50/50 or standard base. Comics with representation, please have manager/agent reach out. Comics without representation, please email Wednesdays between 12pm and 5pm. Must be able to do 45-60 minutes. Condo + free meal and drink each night. 

Suddenly, comics who don't meet those requirements won't email. The one's who break the guidelines don't have to be responded to. And the rest can be dealt with on the day dedicated to their position in the lineup.

Something simple and easy to follow. Because, it's not the "yes" I need. It's the yes or no, so I can move on or pinpoint a weekend. 

What You Do In Between Waiting
While you wait, you simply keep reaching out to bookers and try not to email more than once a month until you get a response. In between that you hit up open mics (if you're in your first 5 years or just bored) and try to find alternative ways to stay in the limelight. 

Offer your services to emcee events, fundraisers, and live auctions. Host trivia nights. Write screenplays and TV show pilots and submit them to contests. Audition for commercials, if that's your thing. Just keep working and working at it. 

And don't be afraid to live your life. Go to the movies. Visit a national park. Workout at the gym. Go on a date. Hang out with friends. Make something valuable out of your free time and waiting time. 

What Happens When Bookers Get Back To Me But I Made Plans Already? 
And there's the rub. The most annoying part of this whole system is that you might make plans, book a show, or be busy with your day job when they finally say yes to a booking request from months ago.

So here's my rule of thumb. If you have a non paid gig, and the new booker is offering money, then politely tell the non paid gig you can't make it but can rebook in the near future - giving them a few dates in a week or two when it's now unlikely you'll get a paid gig on short notice.

If you booked a paid gig, and the money is comparable, then let the late booker know you have a booked paid weekend and you can perform (insert a few dates). While you might feel like a jerk saying no after emailing numerous times, that's on them for not being professional enough to give you two options after making you wait. Plus, they'd be upset if someone bailed on them. 

Basically, go where the money is first and loyalty second. Because loyalty in this business IS NOT REAL. But money still is. If a booker is offering you pay, that's a good sign. But if they aren't, then don't worry about your future there. 

Final Thoughts
Your career will start to shape itself as you get older and more focused when you focus on the spaces that want and respect you. Two things can be true: Bookers are flooded with emails and Bookers should respond within a reasonable amount of time. 

The popular "a non answer is your answer" isn't a truism, as often bookers will get back to me months later asking if I'm free in a month or so. But also keep in mind that the way they book you is a reflection of how they run the club. Bookers who get back to you in a reasonable amount of time with clear yes's or no's will be easier to work with down the line. Bookers who waste your time will probably waste your weekends at the club and put added pressure on you when your weekend comes up. 

That's why you have to be the CEO of your comedy career, creating your own opportunities and finding alternative venues. This year alone I've found paid opportunities with small festivals, Elks clubs, Rotary Clubs, High School Fundraisers, and corporate gigs. 

​So don't wait on these guys in strip malls. They're a necessary evil, yes, but not the only evil out there.