How To Deal With Reduced Support

In the business world we have a phase "law of diminishing returns." Essentially, a business sells a product and people buy it but then they don't buy it again for a long while or not at all. Another way to look at this is you buy a product and use it once to great delight, but every time after it becomes a less pleasurable experience. Films and restaurant experiences are a great example of this. You see a movie once and every time after you like it less and less. And in your early days of comedy you might have gotten a handful or more of people to come see shows and now you're begging people to show up so the venue doesn't cancel. Well, your friends also feel a rate of diminishing returns seeing your shows, which is normal, but also ironic as you have probably improved a lot since they first saw you. So let's look at why your friends start dropping off and how to recover professionally and emotionally. 

Why Your Friends Stopped Coming
First, don't take it personal when those early supporters stop driving to your shows. After a few times spending hundreds in food, drinks, tickets, and parking they just can't keep dishing out their fun money on you. Plus, there's a good chance you dragged them to amateur night where you did five minutes and so did all the other bringers for the night. Even if there was a great closer (15-20 minute set by a decent comic), it still wasn't worth it since they could have had you tell them the jokes over dinner. 

Another reason people stop coming is because they probably don't feel the need to constantly support. Just like they probably only see their favorite band once or twice, why would they follow you from city to city? Another point similar to the previous is that you most likely book shows and THEN ask people to come, making it a chore for them to have to carve out time. There's nothing "organic" about it. On top of all of that, I bet your friendship decreased in personal time spent as you dedicated more time to comedy and less time to them. So they see comedy as a "home wrecker" in a way. 

​Often People Think You Should Be More Successful in a Few Years 
Here's the rub that they don't want to say out loud. In the first three or so years it's all very exciting for you and your friends. They get to tell people they know the comedian and they feel like VIP guests. Sometimes they get to see other comedians they know or like and your new hobby is much more fun to support as all your potential is up on stage. 

But a funny thing happens on the way to stardom - you don't actually get famous. You still have a day job. You might even have reduced your standard of living by driving Uber or working part time work to schedule more gigs. On one level you're climbing the ranks but only you and your fellow comics know it. To the outside world, you're still an amateur since you haven't been on The Tonight Show or Netflix. Your friends will never say this, but its what they're thinking. Even if you opened for the biggest star in the world, they'd still see you as an opener, regardless of the pay or venue.  

Time to Move On To Better Gigs 
Since I started doing stand up, 11 years ago, people have asked me how to get more spots at showcase clubs. I broke into the small clubs early on as a host and people assumed it was all the reasons except the one: The booker thought I was a good choice due to my teacher background and non-fame chasing energy. Too many comics are begging to open for a comic thinking that person will discover them. It rarely if never happens that way. I've opened for the biggest comics in the world, and they're all nice, and only a few ever asked me to open again for them. When you beg a booker for a spot to open for a bigger comic, just know they are thinking your are just seeking your own benefit. Maybe you are, which I fully support, but if you get in front of the A List comic, can the booker trust you not to ask to be on their podcast or open at future venues? 

I have a few writer buddies who get huge gigs, and it took me 10 years to feel comfortable to ask if I could pitch a joke for an awards show one was helping with. Because I don't want to ruin friendships by being "that guy."

So what do you do now? You get out of town! You stop worrying about local shows with 5 minute guest sets. Find venues that need seasoned comics. Find bars, casinos, and alt venues that need you more than they need your friends. When you're scrolling through socials and see a show that looks good, DM the name on the show you know. All they can do is pass on the booker's contact or say they can't. At least you know the process. 

But you can still ask. And I once had a very self-respected booker tell me never be scared to ask, because how else will he ever know when I'm free. He still hasn't booked me more than once, but rejection is part of the game.

Final Thoughts
While you might feel slighted by people as they become less enthusiastic in your journey, remember they didn't sign up for this - you did. It becomes your job to expand your career. Last year I did 200 shows, including multiple theaters. After sitting down with my accountant to figure out my taxes, I realized I had my best year in comedy but holistically, my finances were "unstable" at best. On paper my friends were excited about all my road gigs and were asking when I'll be in LA again. I sent them a few dates - but did they show? Of course not! So even after the Dry Bar, the road gigs, and the other notches on the old comedy status belt, they are done supporting shows. AND THAT'S OKAY. 

Jim Gaffigan doesn't ask all his friends to fill Madison Square Garden. And road comics don't gather the local neighborhood citizens to pack the Chucklehuts. At some point you will either pop with crowds or bookers or get cast in a show or...fill in the blank. 

​And then your friends will still be too busy. But at least you won't feel the need to ask them to validate your career. Remember, you aren't a comedian because your friends see your shows. You're a comedian because you get up and perform - regardless of the turnout or support.