Myth of Work Life Balance

A PTS Pic from my web series Too Hot 2 Sing

After a two week hiatus, I'm back to writing. Sorry. Life got in the way. April was a wild, wild month filled with numerous changes and social commitments. In fact, I'll only be getting up 3 times this month to perform comedy. I'm pretty sure this is the least amount of times I've gotten up since my first month, which was in August eleven years ago. But sometimes the time just doesn't time and the math doesn't math. This month, I started a new sales job in the fitness industry to fix my healthcare fiasco that was about to happen, did a weekend in Reno for a teacher themed theater comedy show, filmed an 8 episode web series (Too Hot 2 Sing), and I was a groomsman in a wedding for my good friends Nick Wuthrich and the now Katie Wuthrich. Many talk about the work-life balance in corporate life, but that doesn't really exist in the world of comedy. Either you are getting up on stage daily sharing your humor with strangers or you're out and about sharing life with the people in your life. That's what separates the obsessed from those who feel content in their daily lives, and many times separates the successful from the hobbyist. So let's talk about Work-Life Balance today.
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Work-Life Balance In the Arts Doesn't Pay the Bills
In most corporate or regular jobs, people work 5 days a week for X amount of dollars with their hours chosen for them by the boss or the needs of the company. Some weeks are more productive than others, but the pay remains roughly the same. For working comics, it's an every day grind of finding gigs, emailing for gigs, and booking gigs. Some days you take off to travel to shows or write spec scripts for freelance work, but if you're not getting up weekly, and mostly weekends, you'll starve.

There's no "sick pay" or PTO or overtime pay. There's no HR to make sure you didn't work over 8 hours or that you got a ten minute break or you ate or at least took your lunch break. This type of unstructured blob of an existence is not for everyone. Your landlord doesn't care if your weekend in Arizona got canceled, and there's no unemployment to collect if you don't get a gig for a few months. If I hadn't taken the sales job in early April, I would have only made $1500 this month in comedy because I took time off to help friends and celebrate their lives.

Last year I performed in 200 shows, not just because I wanted to but because I had to. Every $50 gig on a Tuesday night pays for something after the $1,000 gigs cover the bigger bills. Usually, a free meal comes with the trip, so it's like getting an extra $50, and if I can rebook with the booker for another gig, I might make another $100 down the road. This is not a balanced life. One reason I see so many movies is that when I get into a town early to avoid traffic, I can jump into the local AMC theater since I pay $23/month to see 12 movies a month. It's all "moneyball" with my time and income. If you're not built for that, it's not fun. I enjoy the chaos, but sometimes my social life and bank account don't. 

Work-Life Balance is a Corporate Phrase - Not a Reality 
I once was a high school teacher, and I would say I figured out a solid balance in life before stand up. I would teach from 8am - 3:30pm, then I'd coach wrestling at El Camino Real High School. I'd spend my Saturdays coaching and my Sundays volunteering at my church. I even taught once night a week at a small college. I dated on Friday's and Sunday nights. YET, while I thought I had a great work-life balance, I also drank like a fish and gained nearly 100 pounds and had a terrible diabetic attack in 2015. By ignoring my personal well-being, my body suffered. But was I supposed to miss a weekend tournament or not volunteer at church? Looking back...yes. 

I got my act together, only to find stand up comedy, and after losing nearly 50 pounds, I once again fell into similar traps. Now I would teach during the day and then rush out to LA at night to open mics and repeat that formula during the week. But in reality, there was no balance again. I had no dating life. I barely saw family. I resented my school when they asked me to attend functions instead of taking gigs. Yes, I was paid fairly and had benefits, but I wanted to do this other cool thing. So instead of relaxing in my time off, I was just working another 40 hours. And no man can serve two masters.  
To be blunt, the phrase "Work-Life Balance" isn't real. It isn't real unless you work 20 hours a week or have a job with flexible hours or you're in some management that requires little work. 

Work-Life Balance doesn't exist when you're starting out in comedy and grinding. It doesn't exist when you're breaking through making peanuts, driving hundreds of miles. It doesn't exist when you get successful and are on the road weekly. The only time I've had Work-Life Balance was when I was 16 years old working two days a week at the movie theater, taking easy senior year classes, and spending weekends with my buddies. I also had no real bills or responsibilities. The balance only comes if someone else is paying your bills while you float freely. From 22 years old until today, every bill I have, I have to figure out, and finding balance in between is a fairy tale the American system invented.

They say there are 24 hours in a day, but I still don't believe it. 

Sacrifice Becomes the Name of the Game 
I write all that to help you (and me) understand that sacrifice is the name of the game. Either you sacrifice your time with friends, family, and self-care or you sacrifice your comedy gigs. Either you're driving or flying to a gig on the weekends or you're camping with your family or watching the game with your friends. You can't do both and make a living of this industry. 

Now, this doesn't apply to the comics who like getting up 4-5 times a month. They have their work life, and they fit in comedy as they can. Which anyone who knows me knows I've said that's a wonderful way to go about it. But for those of us who really want this as a full time job, it's a nonstop grind of travel and networking. You have to make X amount of money and hope you can repeat that monthly. And it's not a guarantee you'll always just make money in comedy. 

Many comics I know who went full time found themselves back in the office within a year. And many eventually quit or faced health issues because they dedicated themselves to comedy.  

I've talked to a lot of comics who sacrificed a lot to get to a place in standup where they finally could cover the bills. Yet, many of them told me they've sacrificed marriages, relationships, finances, their credit score, other opportunities, their health, etc. Many comics sacrificed their health, dying young and many sacrificed their mental health dying even more tragically. 

The irony is the passion they put forward to succeed is the passion that fueled their early exist from this planet. 

Too often we romanticize the starving artist. We speak highly of those who died young. We call them the GOAT and celebrate their work or influence. Like gladiators yelling "Are you not entertained?!" before being eaten by the lions. What does it benefit a person if they inherit the world but lose their soul?  

The Scariest Story I Ever Heard  
Here's an example of what I'm talking about. I'll never forget the story of a young woman at her father's funeral who told a group of men she blamed them for the death of her dad. 

Back in my wrestling days a ref died and a few coaches went to the funeral. It was reported to me that the entire group attending were a small group of coaches and others refs. The deceased man's daughter gave the eulogy and said "I never saw my father because he was ALWAYS WITH YOU PEOPLE!" and she sat down. 

That ref made a sacrifice, and I'll let you decide if it was the right one.

Don't Worry About the Validation From Others  
So if you find yourself struggling to make comedy, your health, yourself, and the people in your life happy, you're not alone. Most "things" in your life want your full attention. Your boss wants your creativity and energy. Your family wants your time and love. Your friends want your humor and your advice. And the stage demands all of that as well. You are only human, so you can't give it all to everyone. You can feed the world, but at some point you have to eat too. 

There are a lot of comics on Facebook who joke about other comics having "crappy" gigs. Many of them "made it" in comedy but they struggle in the things the rest of America wants in life. In their attempt to "make it," they didn't build a family. They have a house but not a home. They made their choice and have to put down the "life" accomplishments of others to validate their choices. While all done in a humorous way, it still creates a roast battle environment that many feel uncomfortable in.  
This is why every Hollywood movie about the workaholic ends with the dad quitting their job and hugging their family or the single woman marrying her high school crush who owns a coffee shop. Hollywood writers are just creating the fantasy they wish they could live in real time.

Create a Schedule and Protect It
While I'm far from perfect, I can tell you, if you struggle with the Work-Life Balance equation, try your best to create a schedule that you can follow. I once had a young female comic tell me she was dating a new guy and wondered if she should cancel a few gigs to make time for him. My advice was do the gigs. Because she wasn't thinking about quitting comedy and he needed to see if he was okay sharing his free time with her comedy goals. They're still together. Had she worked her schedule around him, I don't doubt she'd resent him for making her feel like she had to quit.

As you grow as a comic, some people will just stop fitting in. And that's okay too. Creating boundaries and doing what's best for you, your mental and physical health, and finances has to come first, because an exhausted, broke, stretched out version of you is no good to anyone. The schedule can change as needed, but you should always make room for the things that are important. Whether that's gym time, writing time, family time, friend time, or just rest time. And if other people's schedules don't line up, then there might just be a universal principal at work. 
Sometimes hard things don't happen to you...they happen for you.  

Final Thoughts 
So as you try to balance everything, remember that Work-Life Balance is a myth. When you're working, someone might need you, and you can't be be there. And when you carve out time for them, they're busy. In the end, you just have to pick the poisons as they come and be content in what you choose. I might not be thrilled with having to work a day job again, but I picked the best one for me all things considered. I still have road gigs and corporate gigs lined up, but my energy will be different as I have to spread it around. 

What I do know is that nothing is permanent. I'm just one great deal away from selling a show or getting different representation. But I also know that having this new job afforded me the ability to have a wonderful month meeting new people and spending time with old friends. And when I'm old and gone, no one I performed for will be at my funeral, but the people I sacrificed comedy for will be. And that is a comforting thought.  

Now if you excuse me, I have to go get ready for a doctor's appointment - paid for by the job that's taking away my time from standup. But I'm okay with it, because I'd rather be alive sharing my thoughts with you than dead in the middle of Reno after making $600. 

Here's a few pics from my April adventures!