Never Lie to Get the Gig

In the pursuit of fame, comics will do many awful things. Some will cut off family and friends. Others will go into massive debt funding road gigs and merch. Some will do crappy shows in unsafe environments. Some will lower their relationship standards and date terrible yet famous people to get ahead. Some will hide their ethnicity in hopes of getting into certain communities. People will do almost anything to get the gig, make the connection, or get a foot into the door. But the one thing you don't ever want to do is flat out lie. Because you will get caught. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But one day you'll be confronted, and then it all comes crashing down. I recently heard a story of a comic who said he had military service to get gigs and after the producer vetted their Facebook, realized he was lying. That conversation is going to be awkward.

You shouldn't lie for numerous reasons, but as a comic and booker I've dealt with it in numerous forms, and it's a fast track to losing gigs and respect. Oh, and did I mention, it's WRONG. Like actually wrong. Like, you're a bad person if you do it.

I'm not talking about lying to save your life, I mean lying to benefit yourself.        

So let's dive into how to avoid lying and what's the difference between being your own hype man and being a pathological liar. And I'll share some lies that ruined relationships with me. 

What Constitutes a Lie?
The definition of a lie is simple: When you knowingly say something untrue to benefit in some way. It's when you say you have accomplishments or claim certain things about others you know isn't true, but say them anyways to help yourself in the moment. People lie all the time about their relationship status, job history, height, and income. People lie on their resume. People lie to their bosses. People lie everyday. We live in a culture where politicians get elected based on the more lies they tell. It's an epidemic. But in the world of comedy, it will be your biggest red flag when climbing the comedy ladder. 

Saying an untruth is different. For instance, if you are talking to a friend and they tell you wrong information about a person, and you tell someone else what you heard, but it was incorrect, you're not lying - you're just spreading misinformation and rumors. While not ideal, it's not what I'm classifying as a lie. If you are telling people information based on the information you've gathered, then you might be wrong, but you're not lying. There has to be some malicious intent attached. 
If you do find out your spread a rumor, it's best to correct that information quickly so that the other parties know you're a person of integrity. 

The Biggest Lies Comics Say
Recently, I heard about a comic that lied about military service to get a string of military gigs. Turns out he even openly wrote on Facebook how he never served in the military but he felt that shouldn't keep bread out of his pocket. That's a doozy of a lie, but since that can be vetted after a few questions, it's not the most common lie. Here are a few that really destroy a comic's career, even if it opens doors faster in the beginning:

• Claiming you opened for a famous comic
• Getting a gig by promising your fan base will fill the room 
• Saying you can do 20+ minutes when you never have 
• Claiming you're in traffic when you just are late 
• Lying about venues you were booked in 
• Exaggerating the years you've done stand up 
• Making up sexual orientation or race to get more gigs 

These are all issues I dealt with over the years. If it wasn't people telling me they open for people they once accidently did a showcase with, it's a guy doing open mics and claiming he played the venue. The "Fake it until you make it" slogan isn't about lying. It's about taking on the persona of success and acting like you've been there before. 

I once booked a comic because she said she had 20 friends in town and wanted to get on a show. I told them I'd give them 10 minutes, but their friends would have to buy online so I knew this wasn't a scam. No tickets were bought by anyone. On the night of the show she showed up late, claiming all her friends were with her at dinner and coming over to the venue now. She showed up while the headliner was already on stage, and when I asked where her friends were, she said they were too drunk to show up. Just lie after lie. She begged for another chance. So I gave her a spot on a slow holiday weekend. She showed up late again. With no one coming to see here. Bombed in front of a handful of people and when she asked to come back I said she wasn't professional enough to work with. 

One time a headliner was running late to the show, claiming he'd be there at 8:45pm to do his 45 minute set. The show started at 8pm. He didn't show up until 9pm, claiming there was awful traffic. When I ran a Waze report on traffic, it said there was none. I had to fill the 15 minutes and the crowd was confused. Never booked him again. 

More than once I gave comics a chance to do 20 minutes on a show only for them to bail after 10 minutes. One time the guy bailed after 8 minutes. His messages were all sizzle and then no steak. When he got off the stage, the headliner was in the bathroom thinking he had ten more minutes to get ready. I did ten more minutes, mixing in crowd work and promoting future shows. He immediately asked for another spot and I told him to message me in a year. We never talked again.
I've had people claim they were gay and bisexual for LGBTQ+ shows I was co-producing, only for it to come out they "used to be" that identity or they are still questioning. Fine, but just be honest. Those shows are meant for comics to have a platform to express their unique story and point of view to people interested in how they find comedy in their journey. 

My friend produces a movie themed comedy show and tells me people repeatedly promise to stick with the show's theme, only to bail after a couple jokes and do their regular act. Some might say "who cares?" because "the people still laughed," but the way that show survives is by getting movie fans who normally don't go to comedy shows to go back to hear movie themed jokes. When a comic lies to get stage time, they ruin the integrity of the producer's marketing and brand.            

All of these types of lies are just fast tracks to reducing opportunities and becoming the warning story other comics tell others. 

Honesty Will Always Get You To Where You Need to Be
Yes, lying can have immediate benefits. Puffing yourself up and lying about your abilities to market or perform will get you a lot of gigs up front, but what about a year from now? You won't get rebooked nor will you have references or leads for future gigs. 

Lying about a story on stage is another topic for another day. The complexity of emotional truth verses literal truth is a topic comics debate all the time. But no one debates if lying is the best roadmap to success. It isn't. Comics who lie to get ahead don't last long, or even worse they have it all taken away at some point, and now they have to figure out how to make a living without any useful work experience. 

Being honest is a key to success. It will keep you from losing sleep at night. Your accomplishments will feel more rewarding if done with honor and integrity. And by being straight up, you will find your path to reach the levels and venues that are best for you. Your reputation will be solid. People will
want to work with you more. And in the words of America's greatest satirist:

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. - Mark Twain 

Final Thoughts 
Comedy is hard enough without trying to balance the career and the lies told. If you can only do 10 minutes of time, be honest. If you can't afford to drive 500 miles for $50, just tell the booker that. If you have to cancel, be upfront. Because eventually you will get caught in a lie. Everyone always does. 

Lying hurt the careers of too many. Not just in comedy, but all of art. Just ask Milli Vanilli how lying turned out. Carlos Mencia tried to hide his joke stealing and now he's stuck playing B clubs. The guy who wrote A Million Little Pieces lost everything when it came out he made up his drug addiction stories. Even Oprah dragged him on her couch on national TV and the next day his agents dropped him.   

I worked with high school coaches who lied to get illegal transfers, only for their teams to get suspended for years. I had police investigators call me about former students I coached who lied on their applications, only to lose their jobs within months because the police got involved. I'm not saying you'll get arrested for claiming you were on Kill Tony if you weren't. What I am saying is eventually someone will call you on your BS. 

​So tell the truth, let the chips fall where they may, and I promise you, even if you don't get everything you want, you'll get (mostly) everything you deserve - and can handle.