On the Road Again

On Monday I got home from a 6 day road trip. I drove to Richland, Washington and back to Los Angeles for a 2500 mile round trip through literal wind, rain, and snow. I saw the foliage of late Fall, experienced different shades of gloomy rain, and even got to drive though a winter wonderland mountain. Every time I do that, I always ask, "How did Frodo and Sam survive?" Then I remember it's not real, even though I want Middle Earth to exist. I got to see three states (California, Oregon, and Washington) and visit a few cool cultural tourist sites, as well as stay in a motel that could have been confused with a prison cell or a rest stop bathroom. It's my tenth year of stand up, and one of the joys of the job is the traveling. Yet, the costs of gas, food, and wear and tear on the car are not always as economical as I'd like. But you don't get to play Madison Square Garden until you've played middle America, so here a few tips and tricks when traveling that can save costs and make the trip more memorable than it deserves to be. 

Driving v. Flying Isn't Cut and Dry 
When a few of you read I did a road gig that took 6 days, keep in mind it took two days to drive up to Washington (Wednesday and Thursday) and two days to perform (Friday and Saturday) and two days to return home (Sunday and Monday). Each day on the road was approximately 10 hours of driving, eating, and filling up for gas. Alone. So why drive instead of fly? Because I'm more likely to not lose money with gas than a plane ticket. Headlining money isn't always very good. Many bookers assume you'll build a trip around their gigs, so they don't take on any responsibility to pay a living wage. 

While gas will cost me $200-$250 for the trip, a plane ticket with baggage costs can cost $600+ with all fees included. Plus, not all cities have big enough airports to have flights that work with my schedule. For this particular trip, the only flights from LA or Burbank would require me to fly in Wednesday and get a room for two nights and fly out 6AM Sunday morning. The uber and hotel costs would be awful compared to what I spent by stopping in small towns along the way. Also, there is no guarantee my flights would depart or leave on time, meaning I could lose non refundable hotel costs. At least by driving I control my own fate. 

Side note on hotels: When staying overnight on your own dime, NEVER stay in a motel. Always find the best deal at a Best Western or La Quinta instead of staying at Bob's Inn. Trust me. You want a place with a corporate office and not a mom and pop place with keys that don't work, employees high as a kite, and no breakfast in the morning. I've stayed at a few $100 places where the omelet or waffle bar was better than most Denny's. The extra few bucks is worth the breakfast and working air conditioner or heater.   

Driving Allows For Sight Seeing 
While planes might get you to a location faster, there really is nothing quite like seeing God's country. When my GPS took me through the various locations, I saw so many lakes, rivers, trees, wildlife, reindeer, and even Yaks! I literally got all the winter seasons in a week to take in. While it's no first class seat, it's a first class ride through a Robert Frost poem. 
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I also was lucky enough to accidently find myself at The Last Blockbuster on Earth in Bend, Oregon. While some would find the archaic remains of a now dead franchise video store weird or silly, I found it to be a wonderful trip down nostalgia road.   

If road gigs teach me anything, it's the fact America is a great place. A land of various climates and tourist attractions. While the pay may not be worth the actual trip, the trip with worth way more than the pay. 

YouTube Is Your Co-Pilot 
If you find yourself on the road for days, this can be your entry way to an uncredited education. I have a few podcasts I love to kill time with. There are Oscar Prediction gurus like The Oscar Expert and old review clips of Siskel & Ebert. Watching them argue about Cop & Half will never get old. I can listen to political thinkers from the deranged to the unhinged, which usually helps me talk out loud to my car speakers so I remember the sound of my own voice. Often I get lost in the ramblings of Jim Cornette and life on the road in the 1980's and 1990's professional wrestling scene. Did you know Hulk Hogan got fired by the WWF for making Rocky III by Vince McMahan, Sr. and rehired by Vince Jr. when he bought the company from his dad? You didn't! Well, ladies... 

The point is, we rarely have time during the day to lazily engage in hours of useless information. But on the road, you got nothing but time. You can listen to books on tape or just catch up on listening to The White Album without thinking about responsibilities. You truly are the pilot of your trip.

Discovering New Food Spots and Making Fans and Friends
While many people are trying to get audience members to add them on Instagram, I'm trying to meet bartenders, waitresses, and locals on my travels. When I stopped in Yreka, CA for a night there was a local bar and grill next to my motel and they immediately knew I was a weary traveler. The city is so small, they basically know who is from out of town. When I told them I was on the road to Jokers Comedy Club, the five people there all checked my IG and website and wanted to know everything about me. One bartender even gave me contact info for the Performing Arts Center about doing a show there in the future. 

When I stopped in Redding, CA on the way home, I ate at the local steakhouse because I got a hotel discount. I met a safety manager. Since I used to work in that industry, I was excited to hear about the latest news in that industry, and she was excited to talk to someone who actually knew what her job entailed. Plus she was really hot. And on the road, I'm a much sexier profession than in LA, where everyone is in the industry. 

Plus, once at the club I get to see old faces from the last time I was there and meeting new people who now work there. There's also new fans who start adding me on social media. With two near sold out shows, I got to have a lot of fun and meet some real middle American people happy to be entertained. In fact, a few ladies asked me to join them for a night out, but based on previous experiences, a lot of people are more well behaved in the club than they are out and about. 

Visiting Friends and Family Is Worth It
Even if I don't make a lot of money on every trip, I can still make a trip worth it by visiting people and have the club basically fund the trip. I usually play Tucson, AZ once a year and get to see my best friend, an old college friend, and a few Hooters bartenders I snap with on the daily. When I visit Washington I can see my mom and other family members up there as well. I'm including the family Boston Terriers Gracie and Molly. 

Often we don't travel to visit people out of state because who has an extra few hundred to a thousand dollars? But why not work and play on someone else's dollar? I've been able to see friends in multiple cities and states, paid for by comedy. 

Don't Do The Road If You Can't Afford To
While there are a lot of great experiences and people to meet, don't put yourself into debt doing this. My thoughts on credit cards are very conservative, but if you are putting your career on a card, you will find a lot of problems down the road if it doesn't pay off. This includes road gigs, festivals, and conventions. While there might be networking benefits, those benefits might not come as fast as you think. You might have to quit before you see that fruit bloom. I know a lot of comedy students who put their comedy career on a credit card and now are working overtime to pay it off. That means less time to get up on stage. 

Many comics, even the ones with merch, tell me they're giving up on the road because of costs. I've been doing the road since 2017, so I'm still a baby, but I totally get their frustrations. While comedy can be an amazing feeling on stage, the residuals don't last long, and like a drug, you will continue to search for the next high. So don't be afraid to budget and cash flow. 

Final Thoughts 
Comedy has been a life saver for me. A community that has brought me many blessings and friends. Yet, there are costs, and the road can eat you up financially, emotionally, and spiritually if you don't find joy outside of the destination. Many road comics become very bitter as they have to drive or fly to places they wouldn't care to unless it was for comedy. But if you can plan a real trip around it, you'll find a lot to love about the amber waves of grain. 

​When starting out on doing the road, I would encourage you to start with places friends and family are so you have company during the day. As you expand your trips, I would suggest you look up the best food places and tourist attractions. You will maintain a certain childlike wonder that will energize you, and more importantly, you just might write a whole new bit about your interactions with the world out there.