The Math Has to Math

Last weekend I got to see an advanced screening of the new film The Life of Chuck staring Tom Hiddleston (Loki) and Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker) and it's absolutely wonderful. It's a science fiction/fantasy genre bending gentle comedy about a man's life told in reverse order, seeing how he was more important to the fate of universe than he even knew. It's funny, sweet, sad, and poignant. It's also about the importance of doing the math correctly to make sense of the world around us. By combining pop psychology and the works of astronomer Carl Sagan, there's a great reminder in the film that while we might want to be a free spirit, if the math doesn't add up, then we are destine to a desperate state of mind. So let's look at how to "math" a side hustle or career that is stand up comedy. 

Don't Be Afraid to Lose Money In the Beginning 
Often, the start of your career is paying FOR stage time more than it is getting paid FROM stage time. $5 open mics. 1 item bucket mics. Parking costs. Gas. Food. It adds up. But in theory you have another job covering the costs, and you're able to budget in these costs. My first booked gig EVER was in the YooHoo room for 3 minutes at Flappers. My buddy was offended on my behalf I wasn't getting paid for my services to the club. I told him I'd ask the booker how to get paid next time. 6 months later I got paid to host for Bert Kreischer. That's an unusual fast track, but part of the "math" is to ask how to get paid - humbly and graciously. 

But until you start gathering up 1099's, you'll have to budget accordingly. Too often, comics spend a fortune up front with money they don't have on classes and mics, giving up in debt and without anything to show for it. It's okay to see a lack of financial return the first two years if you're getting stage time and using it to build a set and eventually an act. Some people like to say, "but I'm the talent! I should get paid!" Only in the sense of a NOUN. You aren't "talented" enough yet to be considered "the talent" until someone wants to give you money. 

Should I Take Road Gigs That Don't Pay Much? 
I get this question a lot from comics, and the math is both literal and figurative. Ask yourself a few questions before taking the gig:

• Will I get more stage time than I can get closer to home?
• Is it worth losing money RIGHT NOW in my life? 
• Can this lead to better gigs with the same booker?
• Is this where they start everyone before moving them up?
• Are there other reasons to be in that location?
• ​Do they cover food and room?
• Do I even want to do this gig?

I've taken low paying gigs to move up a booker' roster. I've taken low paying gigs to perform AND visit friends and family in that location. I've said no because the flight was more expensive than the pay and I couldn't afford it at that time in my life. I've also said no because I hated the experience before, and my time is to valuable to me.

But if you're trying to become a road comic, then you'll need to take a few feature gigs that pay less than you'd like to become a headliner. And once you've done them you can decide later if it's worth doing again. I've told bookers the gig doesn't cover travel costs and they've thrown in more money realizing that $5 a gallon gas isn't road gig friendly. But I asked. That's the trick. 

Remember, most bookers are thinking about all their rooms or their bottom line, and they have budgeted out what they can pay and not lose money themselves. Yes, they aren't applying the same philosophy to your career or wallet, but if there's enough mid-level comics willing to take crappy pay, then you just got priced out of their roster. 

You Aren't Just Negotiating For Yourself - You Represent All Comics At Your Level
One reason the pay in comedy isn't great is because a lot of part time comics take the low pay to get the stage time. Effectively ruining it for the people trying to be full time comedians. Their "math" allows them to take bad pay because they have spouses covering the difference, a small business that pays the rent, or they are just bad with money. When you take really bad pay ($100 for a trip out of state), it encourages venues and bookers to keep that rate. 

One reason the pay at the LA clubs is so bad ($15-$100) is because famous comics don't fight for money. They go up on local stages to work out material and then make hundreds of thousands on the road. Many of them never cash the $25 checks from the LA clubs. Meanwhile there's a starving up and comer leaving their day job early to get $25 for a show that made a gazillion dollars. Eventually, that comic will quit or spend years chasing their own tail until it all ends tragically.     

This is why it's important to let a booker know when you can't do a gig because the costs aren't covered by the pay. The math doesn't math. And if enough quality comics let them know this, then they'll either step up the pay or just book bad comics and lose the room. When the booker says, "Everyone else is okay with the pay," just know they're not, they just didn't speak up and eventually the booker loses them and never understands the math didn't math for them.  

Math is Metaphorical Too 
Math in comedy doesn't just have to math in the money numbers. Math can math in the time spent and lost. Not all gigs are worth losing gas, time, and your mental health over. I remember meeting comics at Flappers and The Ice House in my early day showcases who drove from northern California or from San Diego for a 5 minute spot. The math doesn't math there. It's not a lack of effort, but the return of investment isn't really worth the hours driving, and the time spent waiting for a small crowd with no one there watching who can promote you to a bigger show becomes soul crushing. 

When figuring out your time and mathing out your schedule, you have to think about the wear and tear on your car, the costs of food and gas and hotels, and the cost on realizing that show changed nothing in your life. One of the most dishonest plot twists in movie history is in La La Land when Emma Stone's character puts on a failed one woman show and later in the film a huge casting director was secretly there and casts her in a big Hollywood film. That doesn't happen in real life. 
No one is watching your bringer show you paid your friends to attend by buying their tickets. You won't get famous playing the YooHoo room, despite the "being funny, professional, and supportive" requirements they spew at you. Bar shows probably pay more than club showcases. The A Star is Born formula is for movies. Bradley Cooper isn't pulling you up on stage. So if you are putting in more expensive travel time than stage time, it's time to reevaluate and stay local until you build enough of an act to move into a city with more opportunities. Now, if you're an eccentric millionaire or recently won the lottery, then spend the money. But if the math doesn't math...it's time to pull out the calculator again.

I'll never forget the comedy student who put $3,000 on a credit card and had to ask for a refund because that money was supposed to be child support and the judge forced him to pay out. I told him we couldn't refund since he took the classes. He thought he'd be famous after a couple showcases. Just FYI, don't be that guy.   

Final Thoughts 
The question becomes, over time, are you in this for the long haul or a short dash? If your plan is to do stand up over the years regardless of reaching a certain level of fame and fortune, then you'll have to be strategic. If you're hoping to get famous in 2-3 years, then disregard my advice, drive 1,000 miles for 5 minutes of stage time, rack up credit card debt, neglect your families, and prove me wrong. But in the end, after working with thousands of students, hundreds of working comics, and numerous famous stars, I can tell you the most successful ones worked smarter and not just harder.    

There's only so much time in a day. You have a limited amount of money. You have responsibilities that have to be addressed. If you don't math correctly, you'll neglect important people, bills, and time only to find yourself with less than you put in. Effort is great, but it can't replace basic common sense. Telling a booker the gig is too far for the pay is okay. Refocusing your goals after certain opportunities don't pan out is smart for your mental health. Spending time goal setting and planning is the wise man's road map. Albert Einstein once said "Doing the same thing in comedy and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity." Or something life that. 
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Just make sure your math actually maths.