What You Consume Makes "You" You

July 2021 in the hospital with massive heart failure

​This week is the fourth anniversary of when I had 6 months to live. In July 2021 I was admitted into the Kaiser Woodland Hills Hospital with massive heart disease, my heart functioning at a 20% capacity. I was a bloated, sweaty, near death mess. A product of a lifetime of poor decisions. Living off Red Bulls, ZzzQuill, stressful workloads running a comedy school, and endless nights performing and traveling. You know, living the dream.

I was 280 pounds with 200/100 blood pressure and a 13 A1C (amputation levels). I had reached that level of unhealthiness because what I consumed created the "me" in me. Do not be fooled, you mess around with poison and you'll wake up one day in the Lord's presence. This doesn't just happen to your body. This happens to your soul too. If you don't think the music, art, people, religion, etc. you consume eats away or feeds your spiritual essence, then you're not maximizing your talents or life experience. This also will effect your comedy or lack there of. 

The People You Run With Are a Fuel or Vacuum
When starting out in comedy, your friends are the others you meet in open mics, classes, and booked shows. You almost have no control over who you work with, as bookers often put strangers together on lineups, and open mics and classes let anyone participate if they can pay the entry fees. That's why it is important to be selective on who you work with, hang with, and write with. They will either fuel your dreams and support you, or they will suck the life out of you with destructive negativity. 

There's a huge difference in sharing good news with a fellow comic and them saying, "I did that show. Make sure you leave early as parking is tough" as opposed to "that show sucks - there's nowhere to park." There's a difference between getting a guest spot and a supportive comic saying, "That's amazing. Glad they finally gave you a shot!" instead of "How much does it pay? And can you tell the booker about me?"

One attitude feeds into you. The other puts you on the defense. While there might be huge red flags in your new gig, by asking positive questions instead of judgmentally barking, you will feel differently about the show and your personal growth as a comic.

This goes for personal relationships as well. Look, most people are happy for you in the beginning of your journey, but most will become annoyed down the road. The constant posting of clips, shows, and you missing "guys night" and "girl's weekends" for comedy will cut off many from your life. But we need outside support. Friends from past lives (old jobs, college, high school, churches, etc.) that remind us who we are and were before the all consuming stand up bug hits.

That's not to say, personal relationships are still crucial. I was recently in a green room with a well know young comic, and she opened up that as much as she likes stand up, she'd really like a boyfriend. I told her I feel that way about finding a girl as well. Her vulnerability was refreshing and sobering. At the end of the day, the only way we truly grow to our full potential is side by side with others. Not always romantically, but it certainly forces us to discover more about ourselves.

Having lasting relationships that feed into us makes a huge difference. When relationships suck up our soul, it helps no one. Your art becomes a reflection of your experiences. This is why I despise so much of Christian comedy, because it's anti-spouse, anti-children, and anti-culture. It's so clear many of these comics have terrible lives when their lazy writing starts with "my kid is so stupid" jokes followed by "why won't my spouse just shut up" commentary. It's ugly and not funny. Living that life and sharing it in that context eats away at you and poisons the heart toward better communication, sexual experiences, and time spent. 

When your life is falling apart, while jokes might feel therapeutic, they are really just boomerangs throwing negativity out and then you receiving them back again. A vicious circle.              

Music is the Soundtrack to Your Life - Choose Wisely 
One factor we rarely think about is the music we listen to and the environments we dwell in. Listening to either intense angry music or something more whimsical can be a mood changer. Whether you are in your room, the car, at a bar, or at work, music playing in the background is the soundtrack to your life. 

There's some music you listen to in an attempt to create a more dynamic, competitive vibe, and then there's music you listen to to chill. If you only listen to one type, you limit your creative gas tank. I've met a lot of angry people. They either listen to no music or just angry themed songs filled with violent lyrics. I once had a coworker who did a lot of computer work alone in his office. I asked him what music he listened to, and he said he didn't. I thought, "is he a sociopath?" He said, and I quote, "I don't like music." 

There's nothing wrong with not liking certain music. I'm not really a fan of club house music. But my Lord, how can you not like listening to the sounds of Elton John or the rap lyrics of Snoop Dogg or the riffs of Lynyrd Skynyrd or the piano playing of Vanessa Carlton or the ballads of Whitney Houston? Currently, I'm in an indie rock folk phase, proudly listening to The Strumbellas, Joe Cocker, John Craige, The Lumineers, and Bob Dylan. It's been great writing and listening to these artists do their thing while I write. 

I once told my high school students that if we only had Paul Simon music to listen to, everyone's blood pressure would lower dramatically. Because the images, sounds, ideas, etc. we put into our brains and hearts develop into the ways we behave. Watch a lot of angry 24 news channels, you'll be angry or scared or both all the time. But the visceral feeling attached to watching those channels makes us feel alive, even though its killing us. It's a drug that creates a need for more of that same drug. 

If you find yourself always angry, maybe switch to music that feeds into your better angels. Turn the TV off and attempt to refocus through activities that feed your soul instead of chipping away at it. 

Your Comedy is a Reflection of Your Experiences
Often, when working with comics, they tell me the topics they choose is based on things in their life or experiences they had. So if you don't like the topics you're ranting about, then change your experiences and inner circles. I've quit jobs because it was destroying the best parts of me. I've stepped back from coaching to create new experiences to talk about. I've changed hobbies and even fashion styles to attract new people into my life. It's crucial to keep moving, evolving, changing, and creating. 

When I got out of the hospital on July 21, 2021 - I changed a lot of ways I ate, drank, thought, and acted. I stopped drinking, started eating better, and decided to date and build new relationships without fear. I dressed better and got my hair cut to make my face more symmetrical. I took control over my "brand" and threw out my entire act in the process. 

I bombed a lot those first sixth months after getting out of the hospital. It was painful. I couldn't rely on fat jokes or a happy-go-lucky demeanor. I was thinner, scared, and emotionally recovering. It was a new feeling on stage. But by changing the food I ate, the clothes I wore, and the way I dated, it revamped my tired jokes, and I fully embraced the new version of me. This why it's important to be aware of what you are putting into your life, so you can be more aware of what you'll be connected to when you get on stage. As you grow and change what you consume, your comedy will adapt as well. And if you don't adapt, you'll become like the grumpy ex-headliners still doing Bill Clinton jokes and making bad 80's references. 

Final Thoughts 
In many ways, the scary heart failure adventure I went on in 2021 was the best thing that ever happened to me. It forced me to change how I treated myself and how I consumed my intakes of food, pop culture, and even my faith. It forced me to be better and live with less fear. It also taught me that I got into that mess by consuming fear instead of hope. You wouldn't have seen that in me back in 2015-2020, but I felt it. Today, I live with less of a people pleaser mentality. I feel like I'm in more control of everything, even the things I can't control, if only because I can accept my limited lot in life. 

​It's an amazing feeling these days knowing I almost died but made the changes I needed to live a more abundant life. I highly encourage you to take inventory of what you're taking in. Because if you don't like the "you" you are becoming, the best way is to start by changing your diet. From food to media. You just might lose 100 pounds of junk as well - physically and mentally,

July 2025 buying my new clothes at the Men's Wearhouse - Slim Fit, Baby!