When They Cut Your Time

Over the past two months I've gotten to work in some big shows with some big headliners. As the producer/host for these shows, I know there is always the possibility the headliner shows up with two friends and my 15 minutes on stage turns into 5 minutes. It comes with the territory. Most shows I do are 20-40 minute sets, with some at an hour. But when the possibility of doing 5 minutes comes up, I get a bit nervous, mostly because, what in the heck do I want to do in a 5 minute set? This happens on all types of shows, and when your time gets cut, after you curse the comedy gods, you need to come up with a plan. 

When I was starting out, doing a tight five was the goal, but now, doing five minutes is harder because my brain wants to do a million different bits. Yet, a good comic has to have a 5, 10, 20, 30, and 40+ minute set ready. So let's breakdown the differences between what a 5 minute set does verses a 30+ minute set. 

Getting to the Point is Key 
When doing a 5 minute set, I have to have the opening joke ready. That first joke is so much more crucial than a longer set. If you get up on stage and fool around with crowd work, you'll find yourself potentially flailing early on without much time to recover. Know the the first thing you want to say and say it. If you are opening the show, after a quick welcome, make sure you get them laughing in a few seconds. If you are a guest set after the host, then either tag the host or do your thing. Waiting to "find the funny" on stage is the fastest road to death by guest set. 

Stay Away From Stories 
Maybe you're a storyteller comic and that's your bread and butter. I'm a storyteller comic, but I also have ten minutes of rapid fire setup-punch jokes for when my time has been cut. While your story might always "kill," ask yourself "when do I usually tell it?" If it's at the 8 or 15 or 20 minute mark, you've already established your stage presence. In a 5 minute set, you don't have that luxury. And, if the story doesn't land, there's no recovery. You're trapped in a story that sucks up 2-3 minutes of time. Why would you waste so much time with exposition when the crowd is sitting there waiting for laughter?   

Think In Laughs Per Second 
I know this seems weird, because comedy isn't a mathematical science. But think of five minutes as laughs per seconds, not laughs per joke. The worst 5 minute set should be a laugh every twenty seconds. That's 3 punchlines a minute. That's 15 good laughs. Doesn't sound that great, right? If you tell long jokes with no tags, you might get 5-7 laughs per set. 

Now, if you aren't trying to impress anyone, and you don't care, then who cares! But if you're reading this, then you want to succeed. And if you only get 5 minutes, the fasted way to impress is to have 4-5 jokes per minute. That's 20-25 laughs. Sounds a lot better, no? 

Choose Topics People Naturally Get    
I have a lot of alt comedy friends with great jokes about 1980's movies, weird video games, and silly products they have to explain on stage. But they know those jokes don't work in a 5 minute set. Why? Because they know people blurt out questions, and they need the time to give the bit an the audience the fair amount of time.   

Choose topics where the setup clearly creates an image in their head. Keep the topics and premises easy to understand. Don't fall into the trap that you'll be the most original comic on the show. I've seen comics try alt stories, weird props, and songs, only to fail in a 5 minute bit where those jokes thrived in a 20 minute set. 

Can I Prepare For 5 Minute Sets? 
John Wooden once said "Failing to prepare is preparing to fail." By having your best 20-25 jokes ready to go, you'll feel better when your time gets cut or you get a great guest set opportunity. Showcases, festivals, and auditions still like the 5 minute format, so be ready for those times when you are asked to do shorter sets. 

One thing you can do is ask friends who run shows for a 5 minute spot once a month, just to tune up incase you get asked to do one. Another thing to do is go to an open mic and run your five minutes to time it out. It really should be 4 minutes and 20 seconds to 4 minutes and 30 seconds to leave room for laughter. Never prep for a pure 5 minutes, as many things can occur, and you need the freedom not to rush. 

Maintain Your Normal Energy 
This brings me to my final tip, which is to still perform like you would if you were doing your normal 10 to 30+ minutes. Don't rush the jokes. Don't feel the pressure to get to everything. And if you have to switch to dealing with hecklers, either ignore them or engage if you know you have a quick retort. 
I'll give you an example. I was recently hosting a show and got the light. The set was going great by all accounts, and going into my final joke a about being heckled at an old folks home, a guy yells out, "Who are you? Larry David?"

Now, I could have made a joke about the heckle, but with the clock ticking, I finished the joke, knowing most of the 200+ audience never heard him. "Finish strong" went through my head and I did. In my younger days I might have tried to say something, giving me little time to recover. 

Final Thoughts
Whether you're doing a long or short set, you have one job - to get laughs. And you want to always present your brand of comedy as the same regardless of the time allotted. You want to have a plan, yes, but you want to show the maturity to be fluid and move with the nature of the show. While no one ever really got famous off a 5 minute hosting or guest set, if you can master it, higher level comics will see your skill set and start thinking about you for other gigs down the road. 
So start preparing now so you can maximize your success later!