Why Men Get Into Comedy... For All the Wrong Reasons

After 11 years of stand up comedy, teaching 1,000's of students, and spending endless hours at comedy shows, I can tell you one certifiable fact about why (most) men start doing stand up comedy. It's not about fame. Money was never really the motivator. Building a new community doesn't cross their mind. It's actually very simple, very human, and very primal. It's to get laid. Men might transition their comedy goals as they progress and turn it into a career, but in the beginning of their journey, men just want a girl to come up to them after the show, tell them they're funny, and then see where it goes from there. Or they hope to tell a random woman at a party or in line at a store or their day job co-worker, "I'm really a stand up comedian" and watch her drop her panties. So here's a breakdown of why doing comedy for the ladies doesn't really work and how it even promotes an incel mindset.

The Lie that Women Prefer Funny Guys    
In survey after survey we are told women put men with a sense of humor at number one of their most desirable qualities. Which explains why men would see comedy as a platform for showcasing their inner Robin Williams. While women might believe they are answering this question honestly, there are studies that show how women giggle and laugh at boys they think are cute when the boy says things that lead to dead end conversations or create uncomfortable silence. So it's not that Chad is funny. It's just he's awkward and she laughs to not seem judgmental or confused. So either he says something interesting and she can continue the conversation, or he's a cutie with the personality of a child or turnup and the default is think his ridiculousness is a joke.   

Albert Brooks was once asked if he thought the desire for a funny guy statistic was true. He scoffed with, "I'm pretty sure Fabio does better with women than Gilbert Gottfried. I'd like to give those women lie detectors." Brooks is one of the smartest, funniest, most talented men in Hollywood history. He knows his status and comedic skills only allowed him to date only so many women. So if a guy thinks exhibiting his comedic skills will advance his chances in the dating marketplace - he's only right if he's cute to women to begin with.

This is also why a lot of married women think their husband changed and isn't the life of the party she once saw him as. No. He's just not cute anymore, and therefore not funny anymore. And now kinda racist and sexist too.   

Most Comics Don't Get Laid After the Show 
The logic behind doing stand up to get laid is such a dumb one that it almost makes my head spin when I hear dudes complain about it. I remember one comic being bitter about it, telling me, "I'm doing all these shows, and I'm not getting laid after!" My response, "No one got laid doing three minutes in the Yoo-Hoo Room, Bob."  

When dudes start out in comedy, they tend to start out at open mics and only do minor showcase shows. No one is impressed by that, unless they already have a girlfriend to begin with or a girl ALREADY likes them. The rest of the society has already put the open micer on the bottom of the comedy food chain. Many women will wait to see if anything actually transpires from the comedy dreams before giving him a chance. When you think about it, being the opening act of a booked show, already devalues your sexual appeal if you're a man. Women don't face this bias the same way. I've performed all over the country and when I open I get dudes to offer to buy me drinks.

When I headline, I get women asking to take my picture with them and add me on IG. It's doesn't translate to romantic prospects, but since only 20% of comics are regularly headlining and the remaining 80% are opening acts, the idea the openers are pulling all these women is a silly thought to begin with.  

In fact, the most interesting observation I've made is that a comic with a great set might get no flirtatious reward after the show, and a dude who bombs will get a few ladies talking to him after the show. This always puzzles my comedy buddies. But I explain it this way: If the girl already found him cute when he hit the stage, then it doesn't matter how he does. But I also have a much more cynical theory I'll share, deeply rooted in subconscious psychology.   

If a woman sees a male comic bomb and still talks to him after the show, hoping maybe they'll hook up, while other dudes destroyed the room, it might be because she knows the less funny comic will probably quit sooner and give her the attention she deserves in a relationship. Whereas she might think the funnier comic is clearly going to be traveling and performing more, hence spending less time with her.  

I didn't want to take the cynical approach, but sadly, I've also seen a lot of mediocre male comics meet a girl at a show and give up comedy within months, while the comics who did well are still grinding. 

Make Sure Your Intentions and Goals Line Up
Regardless of your thoughts on this article, at the heart of it is a message that if you got into stand up for any other reason than to make people laugh, you'll never truly succeed. The irony of stand up is that the less cool and needy you appear on stage, the more successful you'll be. If you are trying to impress people and get personal gratification and validation out of this, you'll find a road leading to emptiness and eventual bitterness.

Much of the incel culture stems from men thinking if they do X then women will find them more attractive, not realizing that attraction goes beyond one hobby or job that they thought was going to solve all their problems. Making stand up your personality doesn't make you a desirable human. It makes you a brand. 

That's why maintaining the purity of the art is crucial. We all hear stories about creepy bookers, hosts, and producers using their power to get women to date them (or worse), and that behavior only leads to destruction. In our modern "receipt" catching world, your intentions will eventually be found out and mocked. We saw this with the perverts of comedy, and I know a lot of comics forced to quit or move back because they lead with their dick instead of their brain.  

Being decent and focused on your career will be the most attractive quality anyone can possess. And that means leading with your most human organ: your heart. 

Final Thoughts
I'm meeting more and more dudes upset that they aren't hooking up with audience members after the show. I never really thought women would find a traveling clown that sexy of a profession. At the end of the day, regular comics are just court jesters, modern carnies. Believing this is the road to success with women is like thinking signing up for YMCA swim classes will get you ready for the Olympics. Hell, I got into standup AFTER a break up thinking it would force me to not focus on my dating life. 

​None of this was written to say if you find love on the road with a comic, audience member, or just a regular person impressed by your comedy, it's tainted or wrong. Just don't make it the top reason. After working with 1,000's of comics, I've just seen too many young men and old men and middle age men (okay, just men in general) try to turn their comedy career into a Tinder IRL. It's a dead end.
And in comedy terms...a joke without a punchline.