The First Time I Knew I Liked What I Liked
This year I'll turn 36. I will also celebrate another year of being a strong independent man. Sounds more silly than strong independent woman, huh?
One criticism I get a lot is that I'm too picky. My standards are too high. And I'm not good looking, powerful or rich enough to have such standards. All of these statements are generally true, though why am I attracted mostly to women that are physically more inclined to look for alpha males and power brokers?
I'll take on female attraction another time.
I have a general theory deeply interwoven within Freudian thought. What if there is a physiological matrix in which the moment a boy sees women differently and the woman/women that coincide within that coming of age awakening?
Let me break it down this way...When puberty hits, what woman was in your life at that moment? That might create a sexual desire blueprint that you'll have to adapt and fight for the rest of your life.
Ever heard your buddies talking about a girl and you just don't get it? Then you mention a girl and they look confused? That might be because attraction could be imbedded in us and creates a blind spot toward all the other beautiful women and personalities out there.
I'll give you my story. I've was never a "butt guy" (though I have changed a lot) growing up. I was a boob man. Plain and simple. Never thought of legs or hair or eyes or anything else as the do or die feature on a girl. From about 6th grade until very recently, I found the curves in the torso the most physically pleasing. But why? My buddies in junior high talked about butts a lot. I didn't get it.
Then recently I started psychoanalyzing my tastes in women. Where did it stem? What was the earliest childhood moment of pure desire and unsolicited lust?
Simple. 6th grade. Summer of 1992. Watching The Price is Right at 10am on CBS. I had watched TPIR countless times. But then one of the models, Dian Parkinson walked on set in a sundress that was removed to showcase a buxom figure unlike what I've ever noticed.
I was entranced. My hormones went into overdrive. I'd seen her before. Never thought of her as anything special. But in that moment 12 year old Paul knew he liked what he saw. So did the counselor. His jaw hit the floor.
I truly believe this moment was an actual biological explosion. Had another type of girl been showcased, I might have like brunettes with long legs. Instead, I spent junior high and high school and my 20's pursuing women with this build. The results have been disasterous.
As time went on, my obsession with women who looked like Dian got stronger. I remember in 9th grade watching USA Up All Night and The Bikini Carwash Company 2 came on. It was edited for cable and the sex scenes were blurred...but I got the gist. By now I'd expanded my physical attraction desires and fully accepted brunettes and redheads with large mammories as equal to blondes. And in the Pamela Anderson era, that was quite progressive of me.
I really hope you appreciated the above satirical tone.
By the way, younger millennials, in the mid 90s there wasn't an internet to browse. It was late night cable. We had to stay up and keep the volume low. It was exhausting. And these movies only came on once or twice a year. VCRs were recording all around the country.
Proof that I was beyond blondes only were two new favorite TV girls, Debbe Dunning of Home Improvement and Jennifer Dempster of ESPN 2's Bodyshaping.
I started watching Bodyshaping to get workout ideas for wrestling. The dudes were jacked! I wasn't. Haha. That's when I fell in love with Jennifer Dempster. The thin, fit, perky dark hair beauty was on my TV every morning from 6am to 7am. I had some free weights and would work out with the show. I looked forward to getting up every day. Saturday's were let downs because the show wasn't on.
Debbe Dunning replaced Pamela Anderson as the Tool Time girl. I was so obsessed my buddy DJ snapped at me one time saying, "She's not that hot! Get over it!" I wanted to buy her 1996 calendar. My mom objected. I still haven't forgiven her. Here's a few of those photos.
I suppose she knew why I wanted the calendar. She cleaned my sheets. She was just trying not to make more work for herself.
As you can see, my 6th grade Eureka moment inspired "a type" and I've realized over the past few years I've tried to fulfill that desire with a type that is near impossible to meet in real life or date me.
You might say, But aren't these girls everyone's type? I would argue yes...in America. In other parts of the world heavier women are desired. Older women are cherished. And hair color is irrelevant. In fact, genetically speaking, breast size is more of a western thing than eastern.
Therfore, my attraction is still unique to me, though many would agree, not all.
The Subconscious Mind
Like I mentioned before, DJ wasn't a fan of Debbe. Found her average. I remember thinking about the girl he liked in school. Very plain to me, but if his hormonal volcano eurrupted in the presence of a similar type, that would explain his association of attractiveness to that type of girl. Again...his crushes weren't ugly...just not in the mold and shape of mine.
Therefore, I believe men will unwillingly go after a type of girl that they associate with early childhood attraction. I don't remember finding a girl my own age attractive until 7th grade. I never had a school yard crush. I liked women. not girls. And the girls I liked in middle school were the ones who were genetically gifted too early in life.
Truly, I believe my subconscious was aware of my conscious lusts, and created a block toward other types.
TV Images Are Crucial
The main reason I was inspired to write this blog is because I believe that mine and other heterosexual males tastes in women were crafted at that pre-pubescent stage. Therefore, the images presented to us creates a blueprint for the rest of our lives if we don't control it.
There really is truth in the unattainable woman idea. That Hollywood creates false images through hair and makeup and costumes and lighting and men are now seeking what in reality isn't available, creating a blockage toward women who are interesting and beautiful and smart, but not in the way our brain first associates attraction and sexuality. Here's Dustin Hoffman explaining it even better than I could. I don't think he understands where his "shallowness" stemmed from, whereas I do. But take a watch!
Changing What We Find Attractive
A lot of people will say to me "I only find a certain type attractive" and say "I can't find short, fat, tall, etc. attractive." I understand. Your brain has high wired you. But why aren't other areas of a human being equally attractive?
What about integrity, character, honesty, loyalty, kindness, and other admirable traits? Movies and TV shows tend to showcases these heroic characteristics, but with already good looking people. If Danny Devito was the actual hero is more movies in the 80's, would women my age find that type more desirable?
I know people claim those attributes are important, yet many will date and marry good looking people who lack those traits hoping they'll gather them up on the journey of life.
NEWS FLASH! They probably won't. Why should they? Unless a huge life event occurs, many people stay the same. You "fell in love" with the jerk. They won. Why give up the trophy?
So while I believe there were images that formed what I thought to be physically attractive, I've had to learn and teach myself what else should be deemed desirable.
The questions arises now, how do these men that date average looking women not have a block like others do? I believe they were the lucky ones. At their moment of hormonal volcano eurruption, the girl they saw was doing something generous, and that became the association with attractiveness that they sought after from that moment on.
In stand up comedy there's a thing called a "bringer show". Ask a comic what the definition is and they'll give you a few different responses.
My experience has been very minimal. But my friends have had a lot experience. So here is my definition of a bringer show.
Any show that requires the comedian to bring X number of people to the show to perform is a bringer show.
If the venue or booker only book people who bring but put them on stage regardless if they're successful, then it's not a bringer show - it's a show that values butts in the seats over quality. Which is smart economically, but not smart comedically.
After a few years swamping through the LA comedy scene, I'll say that any booker or venue that MANDATES a number of people to come see you at a show is a scam.
By this theory, a funny comedian is less valuable than my grandma, who's never done comedy, but can bring her grandkids to watch her on the main stage of The Comedy Store.
That is offesnsive to the greats who honed an act for Mitzi in the 70s and 80s to perform on that stage. But yet clubs all over LA use the bringer model to fill rooms.
Sadly, this model doesn't improve the state of comedy, comedians, or the audience's view of comedy.
Young comedians like the promise of getting to perform at cult like secret society comedy clubs in front of their friends, but the end result leaves their friends tired and broke by the night's end.
Bringer shows are the ITT Tech of comedy shows. They look real, but they're not.
So how do they end? Simple. If comedians just stopped doing them, then they'd cease to exist.
I've been very fortunate as an upcoming comedian. I've worked a lot of road gigs so far. Cities outside the Greater Los Angeles Area include BUT ARE NOT LIMITED TO:
• Chico, CA
• Humbolt, CA
• Oakland, CA
• San Diego, CA
• Tucson, AZ
• Provo, UT
In LA, the audience gets up and goes home after a show. What I find so cool is how after a road gig, everyone in the building becomes your best friend.
I've had so many different types of people approach me after a show too. Beautiful women. Families. Gang members. Hot chicks. Dads. College nerds. Extremely gorgeous women. Doctors. Lawyers. Women who made me bite my lip while I was chatting with them. Pet owners. Blondes. Brunettes. Redheads. You get it.
After filming for Laughs in Temecula, the waitresses were so happy I tipped them well and talked after the show. In Tucson, I met two girls who just wanted to hang out after the show. In Oakland, this one group wouldn't stop asking me about my parents. They were my cousins, but that's not the point.
The point is that the road has reminded me that there are tons of great people just living life in America. And they're thrilled that comedians come out to make them laugh.
Oh. And the women are much more flattering too. After every show, at least one really cute girl comes up and says, "You're not fat. You shouldn't joke about it." Then they smile. Then I smile. Then we lock eyes. Then their boyfriend takes them away.
Today I tried rock climbing. I was invited by my friend Crystal to join our friend Caroline. To be honest, I was nervous at first. Mostly because I'm not very athletic. And they're two of the most athletic girls I know.
But I decided two years ago that I was just going to do anything (within reason) I'm asked to do. So I said yes.
It was so fun. My body feels so loose and limber. The girls even did a little aerobatic activities too.
By the end of the night (3 1/2 hours) I felt like a noodle. But I'm glad I tried something new. Life is about overcoming fears. So I suggest to you to find something you wouldn't normally do and try it.
I'm not talking about dating a homeless guy, by the way. I'm talking about making memories. Though, dating a homeless guy could create a memory. What do I know.
UPDATE: THE NEXT MORNING.
I used to be a TV junkie.
From 1993 until about 2010 I was obsessed with TV. I'm the 1990's I would plan my whole life around professional wrestling, Seinfeld, and The Simpsons. In the 2000's I had news shows, The Simpsons, and NBA games to watch.
I used to record shows on my VCR, watch others shows, and would watch the VCR tapes after school.
I can still remember in 1994 taping episodes of Steve Harvey's Me & The Boys but watching The Martin Short Show. Both shows were only watched by me.
I was a TV junkie. But that ended when I moved into an apartment in 2010, and to save money I eliminated cable and just read more and learned to love the internet.
But a funny thing happened in the January winter of 2016. I got a Netflix account. And my life has changed dramatically. I've fallen in love with TV again.
Returning to Cheers, The 70's Show, and finding new shows has been a real joy.
The Netflix originals Stranger Things, Lemony Snicket, and reruns of The People v. OJ Simpson made me love the power of TV again. And commercial free. Thank you very much. Hey Hulu! Get a clue!
Last week I recently binge watched GLOW and I'm currently watching Showtime's I'm Dying Up Here on their YouTube channel and will finish the show on their 30 day free app trial. I'm cheap. I know.
GLOW is a fantastic new show fictionalizing the birth of The Glamorous Ladies of Wrestling. I'm Dying Up Here is a new show fictionalizing the birth of the LA comedy scene. Primarily The Comedy Store.
Both shows have a lot in common.
Both are period pieces. GLOW tackles the gritty 80's. Dying tackles the 70's.
Both have a large ensemble cast.
Both tackle sexism, drugs, family life, etc.
Both are dramady in tone.
Both are about creating a character on stage to entertain the masses.
Here's where they differ: GLOW is fun and Dying is miserable to watch.
Dying only works if are a comedian. The cliché of the tortured artist is the only emotion it has. The actors are all fine, but the idea of only tackling the sorry saps of Sunset is hard to watch an hour of. It's based on a book that chronicles the comedy lives of famous comedians before they were famous. That would have made a great show. Young Jay Leno and young David Letterman, before they were enemies. That would be great TV. Instead we get boring conflict between unfunny characters yelling and screwing each other. It's not fun. How anyone outside of LA or NYC would enjoy this mess is beyond me.
Then there's GLOW. This funny, inspirational, dramatic, twist filled STORY is everything great TV should be. Instead of just saying "sexism is bad" the show says that while exploiting it's characters. As a character is being called a prude, she's stripping down in the locker room of a gym. There is true satire there. The idea that a post feminist culture created an even more sexist world is deeper than anything Dying has to say.
The shows are both anchored my great performances though. Melissa Leo is fantastic as a Mitzi Shore rip off Goldie, and Marc Maron is a revelation as Sam. But where Goldie is willing to backstab and show she's one of the boys, Maron's Sam is not trying to be one of the girls. He's frustrated and anxious, but it's charming and builds empathy in the audience. We want him to win. With Goldie, we want other characters to defeat her.
The major area Dying gets wrong is the tortured artist syndrome. Yes. I get it. Stand up comedians have issues. But so do Wall Street gamblers. But a lot of comedians are funny people. I know. I am one. The myth that they're all depressed is not true. Many are just normal people who see this as an artistic outlet.
Jim Gaffigan. Jerry Seinfeld. Albert Brooks. They aren't tortured souls. Nor does their comedy reflect that. Yes, Richard Pryor was, but his story is an anomaly. Most of us didn't live in a brothel.
GLOW demonstrates the fun and excitement of performing. These girls want to put on a good show. The comics of Dying want to entertain themselves.
Either way, TV is totally back. And 13 year old Paul is thrilled he can watch it all on apps instead of a VCR tape.
Paul Douglas Moomjean Blog's About What's on His Mind
Blogging allows for me to rant when there is no stage in the moment to talk about what's important and/or funny to me.