Hey, ladies! As a guy who gets friend zoned 100% of the time, a lot of girls ask me "How do I know if He's Into Me, Paul?" Well...look no further. Here are 10 telltale signs to know if you're his bae.
10 Ways To Know He's Into You
1. He adorably & awkwardly looks for ways to start conversations.
2. He is always trying to make you laugh.
3. He tells his buddies about you.
4. When you slept over the first time, he didn't go to sleep but stared at you the entire night.
5. He openly flirts with your mom, in front of your step-dad, and tells her, "if your daughter is half as beautiful as you are at 40...wait...you're 50...noooo..."
6. He gets a DUI because "I trust you can drive me everywhere, baby."
7. He has a Tinder account because he tells you "I want to make sure your pic never comes up!"
8. He tells you "you need to get a real job" and "find some $!*%# direction" because "bills don't pay themselves."
9. He dates you for over half a decade trying to convince you marriage is "just a contract" and leaves you for that 21 year old bartender he swears was just a friend. You know...the girl who liked every post he ever put on social media and always commented under your pics "cutest couple ever!"
10. He sends you the "I miss you baby" and "she wasn't you baby" texts at 2:00am three months later.
Now you know He's Into You!
A lot of guys wonder if a girl likes them. Sometimes guys think her liking his instragram pic or adding back on snapchat are clues. Maybe. Below you'll get the 8 telltale signs She's Into You!
8 Ways To Know She's Into You
1. She twirls her hair or bites her lip during conversation.
2. She touches your arm playfully during conversation.
3. She responds in a reasonable amount of time to your text messages.
4. She hacks your Facebook and starts deleting female friends. Including family.
5. She calls your boss and tells him you've been stealing money so you get fired and have more time to spend with her.
6. She tells your mom to "back off! He's mine!"
7. She ignores the restraining orders.
8. She breaks out of the mental institution with her new friend Jocelyn to hunt down you and sheriff that arrested her.
The 20 Best Films of 2016:
2016 was a terrible year for film. Most of these films will not be watched more than twice by me. But I have to make a list, and here is mine. Most likely, Hail, Caesar will be the one I return to because of the Coens, though my top 2 are pretty epic. Enjoy!
1. The Nice Guys
This was the most fun I had at the movies all year. Ryan Gosling and Russel Crowe star as action buddies brought together due to the 1970's LA underground crime scene. Shane Black's screenplay and direction are pitch perfect in this brilliant deconstruction of the buddy cop film he created with Lethal Weapon.
Denzel Washington directs August Wilson's adaptation of his Pulitzer Prize winning play about a black family dealing with every issue we all face, but in a pre-civil rights America. Viola Davis gives the performance of the year as his long suffering wife.
3. A Monster Calls
In the tradition of E.T. and The Iron Giant, this wonderfully deep and beautifully made children's film looks at the grief children face while their parents face death straight on with incurable desease. Liam Neeson's voice is both terrifying and comforting as The Monster called to protect a little boy.
4. Manchester By The Sea
No other film felt more like a balancing act than Kenneth Lonergan's bittersweet story about grief and growing up. Matt Damon produced the film, and in many ways this would be the best film of its kind since Good Will Hunting.
5. The Founder
Michael Keaton creates a masterpiece performance as McDonald's founder Ray Kroc in John Lee Hancock's biopic detailing how a 50 year old milk shake machine salesman turned a hamburger stand into the symbol of the American Dream. Keaton's hot streak continues.
By far the most challenging film of the year. Old in three parts, the story of a young black man struggling in a world of poverty, drugs, absent parents and his own sexuality, nothing was more raw on the screen.
The most politically astute film of 2016. Hopefully, children will watch this more than President Trump's speeches, as Disney creates the greatest film argument against stereotyping groups we fear. Where Dreamworks Animation just makes animals sing, Disney makes characters shine.
8. Hail, Caesar
The Coen Brothers go back to Capital Pictures and the results are a mishmash of religious satire, Hollywood satire, and Coen Btother lunacy. George Clooney hams it up in this dark comedy about two religions in Hollywood: American Christianity and American Communism.
Amy Adams deserves an Oscar for making us care so deeply for what could have been a B movie sci-fy desposible film. Instead the aliens-are-here film treads new territory and provides deeper answers as to who we are and why others might come to us.
Martin Scorsese's 25 years in the making film about 16th century Jesuit Priests persecuted for their evangelical faith in Japan is beautifully shot and harshly real. There are few answers and many questions. Just like any great sermon.
11. Hacksaw Ridge
Mel Gibson and Andrew Garfield create the best Christian film since the original Ben-Hur...because they're just making a great film.
12. The Birth of a Nation
Sadly, Nate Parker's passion project about Turner's Slave Rebellion got dunked in controversy and bad box office receipts. It's a powerful work.
13. The Jungle Book
Jon Faverau's version of Life of Pi...I mean The Jungle Book is a fantastic adventure that is easily rewatchible.
Robert Zemeckis creates a glorious old fashion love story/spy thriller with Brad Pitt somberly getting through a tense, tight, rewarding espionage film.
15. Hidden Figures
In the 1960's three African American women helped get John Glenn into space, and their story is finally being told. A total crowd-pleaser, the film suffers from following the same formula of comedy-drama-comedy-really dramatic-let's end on a high note that most historical dramas follow, so the story feels both real and repackaged for audiences.
My guess is Jackie Onassis probably suffered greatly in her life, and this film tries to capture the emotions of a story we know all too well.
Probably too dry and too long, but wonderfully acted from start to finish, this historical drama about interracial marriage's journey to the Supreme Court feels 100% authentic.
18. Hell or High Water
Many films imitate the Coen Brothers but few get there. A bank heist film with crackling dialogue, the film is anchored by Jeff Bridges leading the way; the film is as close to a good Coen copy we'll see.
Tom Hanks has become so good we don't even notice him anymore. As the pilot who save the lives of his crew and passengers, his performance reminds us that even 30 years later, he's still the best movie star we have.
20. The Conjuring 2
A horror film? A sequel? Who cares! I was scared and once again the Conjuring series goes deeper in the areas of faith and scares than any other current series.
I hate "ranking" worst films, so I do what Siskel and Ebert did...I categorize them. Here you go...my worst memories of 2016!
PS: I don't see all the worst films like Madea movies, romcoms, etc...these are films that tried and landed fave forward.
Worst Film of 2016:
The Lobster - The emperor's new clothes in every frame. The most boring film of the year by far. I slept for 20 minutes in the middle. That never happens.
Independence Day 2 - Ugh.
Bad Santa 2 - Not one laugh
Barbershop: The Next Cut - Why?
Suicide Squad - It wasn't a movie. It was a soundtrack with pictures.
Batman v. Superman - Find me a fan! See you can't!
The Boss - Melissa McCarthy tries. But this was DOA.
What Were They Thinking?
Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk - Ang Lee directing. A popular book. Steve Martin in a fun supporting role. Yet nothing happens. It's Hollywood existentialism for the sake of it.
10 Cloverfield Lane - I'm still confused. And having a climax in the last 10 seconds with no follow through is unforgivable. Too much talent for such poor execution.
Where's the Funny?
Sausage Party - A Pixar satire about atheism? Sure! Just be funny. I guess hearing food swear is funny? Maybe if you're 12. I'm not 12.
“Yep… Inside each and every one of us is one true authentic swing… Somethin’ we was born with… Somethin’ that’s ours and ours alone… Somethin’ that can’t be taught to ya or learned… Somethin’ that got to be remembered… Over time the world can rob us of that swing… It get buried inside us under all our wouldas and couldas and shouldas… Some folk even forget what their swing was like…”
The past few weeks have been up and down for me in comedy. Last June I had a kick off show that went really well and since then I've had good shows, great shows, rough shows and everything in between. I won two prelims in the Ventura Comedy Festival and got to the finals. I had three great shows in the Burbank Comedy Festival. I headlined on September 11th at The Ice House. I had a fantastic birthday show. Last night at the Fourth Wall I had a blast. There's been a lot of love.
I also had some rough shows where I hit about 50% of the time. Some shows I just powered through. Some shows I just knew that I wasn't winning over anyone tonight. There are looks on the front row's faces that suggest it's time to quit. It's a mixture of disgust and boredom. They hate the journey you took them on, and their inner self wants dad to turn the car around.
So what is the difference? Is it the comedian? Is it the audience? Is it the time? Is it the order? Is it the venue? Is it just a perfect storm? Or is it nothing really?
George Carlin said if they laugh on Friday but not on Saturday, it's the audience. Jerry Seinfeld says it is never the audience's fault because they decide the life of the joke.
What I would argue is that there is an authenticity the crowd feels. It's not the material (Jim Gaffigan makes Hot Pockets funny); it's the delivery and honesty behind it. They know. They know when I'm on script and when I'm off. They know when I'm just setting it up to make them laugh and when I'm including them on a story to really make them laugh.
Authenticity can ride a 20 minute set like a breeze, and forced lack of it can make that time a tornado.
We each must find that authentic swing on life. That God given instinct. We must embrace it, even if it feels unlovable or unappreciated. Because if it's "you" people will respond.
Here is my best example. Some people are authentically jerks. They're loud. They're obnoxious. They're the worst. But we love them. They're "our" jerk.
But whenever non jerks do the same thing, it's almost unforgivable. In some weird way, we accept authentically asses but not temporarily troubled souls.
So I've come to a conclusion. I'm just going to be me. Luckily me likes structure and self deprecation.
And hopefully I find my authentic swing every time.
Paul Douglas Moomjean Blog's About What's on His Mind
Blogging allows for me to rant when there is no stage in the moment to talk about what's important and/or funny to me.