From 10/29-11/02 I stayed at a beautiful monastery in Arizona. It was a wonderful way to relax, worship, and live in community amongst the monks, deacons, nuns, and volunteers. Here are some beautiful pictures.

I also was able to have a blast in Tombstone where the Battle of the OK Carrel happened.

Then I visited my best friend and his wife and he and I went to the Tucson Comic Con. I even got to meet Jake the Snake Roberts. And I reconnected with the Hooters twins I use for promotional materials. It was a wonderful weekend.

When I got home I had a box waiting for me on my front door. I figured someone bought me a birthday gift. I opened it up and found a waffle maker. There was only one problem.

After being disappointed that I didn’t own a waffle maker, I went the next morning to the apartment manager and found out the name Stacie was the girl who used to live in my apartment. I told the manager I’d take care of it. And that was the plan on Wednesday. Until...

My hometown community was destroyed by fire and firepower. Bullets slained 12 victims at Borderline Bar & Grill, including a former student’s father, a former student from a past school of mine, and other lovely members of my community. Plus many of my friends and family were evacuated or preparing to be. I was broken all day and night. Tears. Non stop tears of having no power.

But then there was Stacie’s waffle maker. UPS and the waffle maker company were no help. Neither would forward to the new address. I was told if I sent it back to the company, it would take weeks to get it back to Stacie. That was unacceptable.

In a world that went from pure joy, in which I felt in control to a nightmare outside of my control, the only thing I could do is make sure Stacie got her waffle maker.

So I repackaged it, took it to UPS, and forwarded it myself. Everyone told me I should have just dropped off at UPS and let them worry about it.

But I couldn’t. I needed to feel the ability to be in control, and somehow, this meaningless act of sending a waffle maker gave me the feeling that I can still help someone in some way.

What started as a dissapointed inconvenience became a THE very act that kept me sane.

2019 is just weeks away, but that doesn’t mean you can’t start planning next year’s amazing vacation destinations! While cliché places like Hawaii or Cuba are always an option, these 5 destinations will provide you real adventure, romance, and family bonding.

If you love fine dining, the Arby’s in Pembroke Pines, FL will be an amusement park for your taste buds. This restaurant has repeatedly earned Yelp reviews ranging from 0 to 1 stars. Just look at the delicious food made from scratch.

The floor staff is known to be on break most of the time, allowing for the family to spend a lot of time complaining and bonding over the dining experience. Don’t forget your mace! Crime runs rampant!

If the sea is calling your name, then go “sea” a Doctor, because water can’t talk! But if you like to get wet, the Flint River Boat Tour and Swim Lessons Experience is the vacay of a lifetime. You’ll bathe in the rich ocean water and feel younger than ever.

Bring your friends and family along, as Captain Jack (no relation to Disney’s character) takes you to the best places Flint, Michigan has to offer. And after the tour is done, feel the refreshing cool water against your naked back in front of strangers and nomads.

You’ll never think about where your bodily waste goes down the toilet the same ever again!

Did you know Jesus rode dinosaurs! Watch out Jurassic World! Your park has some holy competition! Ken Ham’s Bonnie County, Kentucky “Museum” is filled with facts the liberal media doesn’t want you to know about! Bring the kids or bring your hot significant other. This museum, unlike The Getty, welcomes you with open arms. Tiny tiny T-Rex arms.

Here piggy piggy piggy! This little piggy went to the market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy went to the Hog Hotel. And that little piggy became bacon.

If you love hearing Jim Gaffigan talk about bacon, you’ll love this pig factory in the heart of China. The kids will love picking out their own little hog and hearing it scream in agony before eating it for breakfast or on a BLT the next day.

The Madonna Inn on the Central Coast in beautiful California is known for its romantic atmosphere and inspired theme rooms. Just look at these amazing room experiences:

Whether you want a futuristic or old fashion room, the Madonna Inn is your hideaway to that second honeymoon or first honeymoon or if you just want to have a night of intimacy without hearing the kids scream about some stupid video game you bought them last Christmas that you regret everyday purchasing because they fight about it all the time even though you got two controllers but noooooo they wanted another controller that was an extra $60 you can’t afford on your construction salary.

​I digress. The best kept secret room is the North Korean Room.

Spend the weekend in the underbelly of luxury with this real-to-life room. You’ll feel like a prisoner of love with that special someone. There’s no bed, so you’ll be frolicking on the floor without much of a choice. The room only costs $1600 a night, and all prodeceds go to the Glorious Leader in North Korea.

Make 2019 the vacation year of your dreams with these 5 destinations you won’t find in the AAA travel guide!

One year ago today my cousin Logan died. 25 years old, his vices took his life and our family has been dealing with the tragedy since then. As his oldest cousin on his mom’s side, my role was different than the other cousins. I was his babysitter, his tutor, and his oldest friend in many ways.

He allowed me to be silly when the other cousins wanted to be “cool.” As he got older, our relationship changed. I tutored him a couple summers, as he struggled with reading comprehension in early elementary.

He liked playing tricks on me. He once set off a couple fart bomb toys in my Jeep Cherokee. Boy was I mad. But he just laughed and I got over it.

Too often, as we age, our lives change and connecting with cousins and relatives becomes too challenging. People move. People get married. People become estranged. But Logan and I stayed in touch over the years. As his struggles grew, we did grow farther apart, but my busy schedule was just as responsible.

Believing that a member of the family will always be there cannot be the way in which we schedule family gatherings. All of us should be willing to make time, as we do not know when the last time will be.

The healing process after is hard. And anniversary dates such as today sworm up old feelings that got pushed down when being strong was the only acceptable emotional reaction.

I took Logan’s passing very hard. Realizing his life was no longer on this earth, but that his soul had moved on to God’s eternity, I didn’t do comedy or anything else for at least a month. I had some pre-committed shows in November that I did, but mostly, I read, I cried, and I processed the pain.

Yet each day since, I haven’t really come to grips with his passing. I simply just moved on. Recently, I saw First Man, about Neil Armstrong’s personal struggles while reaching the goal of landing on the moon. Watching his daughter die, as well as fellow NASA astronauts, he struggled through, and I started to tear up, thinking about his life and my cousin Logan. Grief might not be seen, but’s ever present.

I don’t know if we ever heal. As Frodo told Sam, “some wounds go too deep,” and the battle scars and missing limbs of the heart and soul cannot be replaced. But that’s why there is hope.

Hope is all we can have now. The hope that redemption and resturation is possible. Not the hope that Logan will return. King David said that message about his stillborn, “He cannot come to me, but I will go to him.” No, the hope I speak of is that a new day will come, a new sunrise will open up the skies of our spirit, and that we can honor him by not repeating the past, and helping those who face similar trials. Logan had lost some hope. Therefore I must honor him by hoping in a tomorrow I cannot see, and living as if I can accomplish his desired good works in how I live my life. With humor. With tenderness. With love.

He lived a short life, but a rich one, filled with love, adventure, and loyalty to his friends. My emotions stem from a place of leadership, as the eldest cousin, but my head knows that he would be the first to say to me, “You gotta move on, Paul. I made my choices. Now go make yours.”

So that’s all I can do and will do. And writing this blog is one way in which I move on. And next year I’ll report on how I’m doing again. Until I no longer feel that need.

For I know the journey is complex and doesn’t end in this life. We are not just food for maggots, as some may say, as Shakespeare wrote through his characters. I may not know what the other side looks like; I have an idea though, based on how I view God and his Son. And that gives me hope when I need it most.

As a “Clean” comedian, I’ve had some success. I’ve been passed at a few clubs because bookers can trust me not to offend the crowd ASAP, I’ve been on TV, I’ve gotten to host for major comics who require a clean opener, and I’ve made fans for being funny without having to go crass.

Jerry Seinfeld once said he didn’t want to do a joke if the swear word made it funny or if he couldn’t do it in The Tonight Show. That’s been my philosophy in comedy as well. Even though, as a Christian, I’m not a fan of public crassness on MY part, that was never the reason I went clean. I can talk about sex and dating without swearing, but I find so many talk about those issues, I wanted to stand out in some way.

But I have noticed a stigma and frustration among audiences when they come to see a “Clean” comedy show. Clubs and producers use that word “clean” to let audience members know they can come in peace, but that’s a huge problem to the show.

Once you call your show a “Clean Comedy Show” you might get business, but the show has lost any suspense of where the punchlines can go. I’ve been on a lot of clean comedy shows, and the audience and the comics are never at their best.

I’m not saying being clean in comedy isn’t funny. There are tons of funny clean comics, but the crowd loses the high wire feeling once the show promises there will be no surprises, swears, or sexual references. Sometimes what makes clean comedy work is because you think the punchline will be dirty and the surprise is in the clean joke.

But that’s gone once everyone knows the jokes will be clean. And if the comic goes dirty, the crowd sees the comic “breaking the rules” and then turns on them. So it’s a no win situation.

Same goes with “family friendly” comedy. I’m PG content at worst, but I don’t talk about “family stuff.” I don’t even know what family friendly comedy is. Is it magic? Silly act outs? Does a pet have to be on stage?

The same goes with “Christian comedy” — I find most Christian comics just make fun of their families and/or atheists. Not all. But a lot of it is sexist (making fun of the wife or husband) or based on preaching to the choir’s bias against liberals or non-believers.

I’m a Christian, but my jokes aren’t all about my Christianity. Because while Christianity influences everything in my life, it’s not the topic in everything in my life. But I find because I don’t make fun of things I wouldn’t make fun of naturally, that my material doesn’t translate to people who lost their connection to the real world, and now live in a bubble of hating others more than loving life.

In fact, one agent told me that you don’t even have to be Christian to be a Christian comic. You just have to tie God unto it and be inspirational. That sounds repulsive to me.

The real issue is that once you put an adjective in front of the word comedy, it’s no longer pure comedy. Instead of marketing shows as “clean” or “Christian” to protect the conservative snowflakes, just say “funny comedy! All are welcome!”

Then the show will have a bigger challenge than finding Clean comics - they’ll have to find funny ones.

A while ago I was hosting a show. The club fit 150 patrons. Six showed up for the late night Saturday show. I had just performed 20 minutes the night before in a bar to great response. So I know the material is fine. But on the night before the six, jokes weren’t cutting it.

I’ve performed before small crowds many times before. Most liked my conversational style and I had fun. But this group. Ugh.

So after the first 2-3 jokes fell flatter than Wild E. Coyote off a cliff, I looked at the crowd and said, “so you people don’t like jokes, huh?” The crowd was mostly black with two Latina girls as dates. They got my tongue in cheek joke. So I grabbed a raffle ticket and said “let’s go over the rules of the night...” and they started to laugh loud.

Then I went, “Since there’s only six of you, if you break any of the rules, I’m gonna be pissed.” More laughter. I told them where the bathrooms were and since it was 2018 they “could choose their own adventure...” More laughs.

Then I explained to them how jokes and audience response worked and did a mocking “hahahaha” and they started rolling.

Then I asked the sound guy, “How’s my time?” And they fell over.

I basically did this act for 9 minutes. Just riffing. Judging being funny. It was a good reminder that while I write a lot and try new things a lot, that just being the funny guy I was before standup is okay too.

When we think of the greats (Robin Williams, Richard Pryor, Bill Burr, Paula Poundstone etc.) they were funny. They were real. They went for broke.

​In anything you do in life, don’t be afraid to be you. You got this far, why back off now?

Those who know me well know I love talking about three things: Religion, Movies, and The Muppets.

Movies are a passion of mine. My Masters is in Film Theory. Which means I can’t make a film. But I can tell you why yours sucks.

Movies give us the power to live vicariously through other people and characters. Movies are metaphors and reminders of what we are going through and have been through. And a good movie can be a place of restoration when life beats us up.

One such film for me recently is Moneyball. The 2011 best picture nominee staring a brilliant Brad Pitt and a subtle Jonah Hill as Oakland A’s General Manager Billy Beane and a combo of operations mangers. Roger Ebert wrote in his review a fantastic analysis of their acting styles. Take a look at this inspirational trailer:

The film is about being undervalued and being unappreciated for revolutionary thinking in a tight spot. After the A’s made it to the World Series their best players fled to greener checks and Pitt and Hill’s characters use data analysis to put together a team that lost their first 11 games, won a record breaking 20 consecutive games, and tied for the best record in baseball.

When I was a wrestling coach, my best friend in wrestling Terry and I beat a lot of coaches playing “moneyball” — using our stats to create lineups that upset much better more talented teams. Forfeiting dual matches at weight classes to not give up takedowns and near falls that would hurt us if a tie score came down to criteria or to stop a snowball effect if we were losing too many in a row. It worked. A lot. Other coaches hated it. But 8 league titles and over 10 CIF Section titles later, we made our statements.

Right now in my my life I was recently put in charge of a massive project and I was overwhelmed. Until I watched two great movie scenes. One from The Martian about taking it one step at a time and one from Moneyball about remembering that the math can set you free. Here are both of them:

Whenever I got overwhelmed or panicked...these were the clips that reminded me of what I already knew. That if I just do the math I can solve impossible paths. Art is powerful. It’s a reminder that not all of life is natural. Somehow fake images of flickering light can inspire and move these natural bodies.

I truly believe that’s why God made the movies.

In 1984 The Karate Kid became a part of the pop culture landscape. Everything from “wax on wax off” to “sweep the leg!” has been paid tribute to, satirized, and cherished by kids of the 80’s these past thirty years in the forms of memes, tv shows, movie formulas, and general casual conversation. It’s a very “American” film, embedded in our winner/loser/fairplay/try-your-best contradicting ethos.

Now comes a worthy sequel after four films continued the story of Daniel LaRusso. The first film earned Pat Morita an Oscar nomination as the wise Mr. Myagi, the second earned one for best song, the third film was rowdy popcorn film, in the vein of Rocky III, and The Next Karate Kid started 2 time Oscar winner Hillary Swank in easily the worst film of her career. Will Smith created a crowd pleaser reboot for his son Jaden to star in with Jackie Chan that grossed $300+ million and yet is unremarkable in every way.

This sequel is a YouTube Red Series Cobra Kai, a continuation of the Daniel/Johnny died from the first film. Johnny Lawrence is now a washed up alcoholic, still driving his high school car and pounding Coors beer, living off a freelance handyman gig from a friend. Daniel is now a successful car salesman kicking pricing and passing out free bonsai trees to each customer.

One night, while having a pity party, Johnny sees some bullies beating up his poor apartment neighbor Miguel. He’s fine with them picking on him until they throw Miguel into his red sports car, prompting the once cool Cobra Kai star to beat up all four kids, and then inspiring Miguel to ask Johnny to teach him karate.

While this may sound odd, a fifty year old man beating up high school kids and then mentoring the geeky new neighbor, it mirrors exactly Mr. Myagi and Daniel-Son’s relationship. The scene in Cobra Kai is the Halloween dance scene in every way. It’s one of the best pieces of modern deconstruction put to pop art.

If we rooted for Myagi, how can we fault Johnny?

After taking some money from his bitter step dad as a buy out of their relationship, Johnny takes on Miguel and decides to reopen the Cobra Kai Karate studio that was the birthplace of every 80’s teen comedy villain. With John Kreese dead, Johnny doesn’t have to worry about licensing deals and copyright laws.

The next 9 episodes see Johnny struggle as a mentor, a dead beat dead (with baby mama Diora Baird in a fun cameo), and frustrated small business owner. Eventually, the dojo builds a crowd after a few fresh storylines utilize our modern social media culture, and a crew of misfit toys appear.

The other story deals with Daniel’s nightmare of watching Cobra Kai become a safe place for all the misfits of the San Fernando Valley. Daniel starts becoming the high strung LaRusso of The Karate Kid III and even starts retraining to bring balance to his life.

The series is both a satire of the snowflake generation and great reminder of what makes a sports opera work. The series never panders, but instead embraces the classical archetypes. One minute we are rooting for Johnny. The next we see Daniel applying Myagai’s old school techniques.

Everything feels fresh and inspired in this series. Johnny is seeking redemption, while Daniel is trying to maintain his way of life. The female leads, including Daniel’s wife and daughter provide strong female characters and interesting arcs, and the “mean girls” of the high school even find themselves changing.

What the series reminds us is that the generations before us lived by different codes, and that while some people never grew up, we don’t always see that. Sure Johnny is a sad sack clinging to high school glory, but so is Daniel, still thinking his All Valley Championship is impressive.

The other intersting point the series makes is that in the 80’s Karate was for bullies to maintain their status, whereas today geeks need it to level up to the cyber bullying the pretty kids use to torment. If anything, when Johnny mocks cyber bullying by telling his dojo of nerds “in my day we made fun of them to their face,” he isn’t being ironic, he’s being oddly heroic.

Cobra Kai isn’t just entertaining television, it’s poignant television about a time and place that doesn’t really exist anymore, but don’t tell our protagonists.

PS: The final scene is as chilling and exciting and out of nowhere as anything I’ve ever seen. If Johnny thought he’s faced his past, he’s got another thing coming.

Human empathy is a lacking attribute in Donald Trump’s America. While empathy does not mean “acceptance,” it does mean trying to understand and feel for people in hard times or situations. Sadly, most of us view the world through bad political or theological worldviews, causing a huge misunderstanding in what it means to care for others.

So so often I hear conservatives argue that people who made poor decisions should pay the price. We hear words like “freeloaders” and many think that the poor chose to be poor, as if somehow being in a poverty-ridden state is a desired destination.

Common talk I have with people I know:

Me: So in So is struggling in life.

Them: We’ll they should have gone to college and not had kids.

While that might be a reason they are struggling, plenty of people people have skipped on college and had kids and are doing fine. Maybe this situation is more complex. And just acknowledging a potential root of the issue isn’t productive. Should these people give up the child and take out $30,000 in student loans? I’m not sure what the point of the comment is.

This brings me to The Florida Project, a truly moving film that will build human empathy into your soul concerning the victims of choices that so many people make and don’t see similar outcomes.

The film follows a handful of small children during a hot summer in Orlando, Florida. They run around the numerous cheap motels they live in 29 days at a time, moving out one day a month to avoid residency law violations, and get into the type of trouble Mark Twain would have put them in.

The main girl Moonee lives with her drug addicted, alcoholic mother who prostitutes herself while the little girl sits in the bathtub. It’s a heartbreaking film, but a good reminder that while the “Disneyland” fantasy is around the corner, the world in the shadows is dark and real and needs our attention.

The acting is spectacular. Every character is fully defined and not a caricature. Maybe the choice by director Sean Baker to use non-actors helps that.

But there is one traditional actor used in William Dafoe. One of the best villains in film history (Spider-Man anyone?), he has also played complex characters including a doubting Jesus Christ (The Last Temptation of Christ) and a torn military leader (Platoon). But in this film he transcends all typecasts against him and portrays the patriarch super of the Magic Castle motel.

His acting is poetic. Every scene he shows his love and care for these numerous young mothers trapped in a life they didn’t see coming. Not one positive father figure is shown. Not the absent daddies, the creepy old pedophiles, or the dad sleeping with prostitutes and losing his $1700 Disneyworld family wristband package.

Yet there is Dafoe, protecting the children, paying the difference in rent for the mothers, and letting the kids play hide and seek under his desk, knowing that many of these children and parents have nowhere else to go. Hotels don’t ask for credit checks. Apartments do. They are stuck at “The Magic Castle” hotel without a chance to see the $300 a ticket Magic Castle nearby.

​

Where the film greatly succeeds is in reminding the audience that there are people out there that have few options, and that children are the victims. The kids in these movies most likely won’t grow up to live productive lives. Not because they can’t, but because they are never taught how to. They will learn to scrape by or be thrown around the foster home system. They will struggle because struggling is the model in which they live.

Movies can’t solve every problem, but watching a film like The Florida Project can remind us to love each other and take care of each other and feel some empathy toward those with a struggle we can’t see. It’s literally the least we can do.

A lot of guys wonder if a girl they just met likes them. There’s a lot of signs, but here are the five most fool proofed ways to know she wants to bear your children and take your last name at the alter. And not necessarily in that order.

A lot of of people want to have their texts responded to, but if she’s not responding, that just means she’s playing hard to get. Women want to be pursued. Hunted, in Darwinian terms. So be the lion and go capture your gazelle by texting so much that she realizes you are a great communicator who doesn’t need reciprocal behavior to feel validated. Be the alpha and text every hour. On the hour.

While you probably want a little one on one time, by her bringing another dude, she’s showing you off to the other men wanting her attention. By letting you buy her and her personal trainer or bar regular at the place she works at drinks all night, it’s showing off your wealth and security. I don’t care if she dances with him and then has you pay their Uber back to his place, it’s a jealousy trap and you my friend just saw her take the hook when they left together without you acting a fool.

If you have mutual friends and she’s never brought you up to them that you went to coffee together, that’s her way of keeping this passionate affair a romantic little secret. Anybody can be labeled a “boyfriend” — it’s takes a real man to go by the nickname “Who?”

Some girls are insecure - so they wear makeup and cute clothes and wash their hair to impress guys, but if she shows up to meet you while looking like she just took an afternoon nap, you’re in like Flynn! This means she doesn’t need to impress you and she wants you to see her in her “good morning” moment. If it seems like she didn’t brush her teeth either, expect her to be making this Facebook official soon

The internet is a pretty confusing monster. Trying to interact with people in person and through apps can be hard, so there’s a lot to know. If a girl blocks you on social media, it’s because obviously she doesn’t want to be distracted by you and your exciting life while she’s at work, so due to your sexual vibes, she’s felt it best to just deal with you in person.

The other thing to look for as a sign she wants to be your baby-mama is if she’s swiping on Tinder in front of you. If she shows you the 100 guys she’s matched with, it’s like bringing that extra guy on your date all over again. She wants you to know she’s a desired woman and that you’re lucky to be living in the same state as her.

As the pivotal ladies man myself, I know what I’m talking about.