The First Time I Knew I Liked What I Liked
This year I'll turn 36. I will also celebrate another year of being a strong independent man. Sounds more silly than strong independent woman, huh?
One criticism I get a lot is that I'm too picky. My standards are too high. And I'm not good looking, powerful or rich enough to have such standards. All of these statements are generally true, though why am I attracted mostly to women that are physically more inclined to look for alpha males and power brokers?
I'll take on female attraction another time.
I have a general theory deeply interwoven within Freudian thought. What if there is a physiological matrix in which the moment a boy sees women differently and the woman/women that coincide within that coming of age awakening?
Let me break it down this way...When puberty hits, what woman was in your life at that moment? That might create a sexual desire blueprint that you'll have to adapt and fight for the rest of your life.
Ever heard your buddies talking about a girl and you just don't get it? Then you mention a girl and they look confused? That might be because attraction could be imbedded in us and creates a blind spot toward all the other beautiful women and personalities out there.
I'll give you my story. I've was never a "butt guy" (though I have changed a lot) growing up. I was a boob man. Plain and simple. Never thought of legs or hair or eyes or anything else as the do or die feature on a girl. From about 6th grade until very recently, I found the curves in the torso the most physically pleasing. But why? My buddies in junior high talked about butts a lot. I didn't get it.
Then recently I started psychoanalyzing my tastes in women. Where did it stem? What was the earliest childhood moment of pure desire and unsolicited lust?
Simple. 6th grade. Summer of 1992. Watching The Price is Right at 10am on CBS. I had watched TPIR countless times. But then one of the models, Dian Parkinson walked on set in a sundress that was removed to showcase a buxom figure unlike what I've ever noticed.
I was entranced. My hormones went into overdrive. I'd seen her before. Never thought of her as anything special. But in that moment 12 year old Paul knew he liked what he saw. So did the counselor. His jaw hit the floor.
I truly believe this moment was an actual biological explosion. Had another type of girl been showcased, I might have like brunettes with long legs. Instead, I spent junior high and high school and my 20's pursuing women with this build. The results have been disasterous.
As time went on, my obsession with women who looked like Dian got stronger. I remember in 9th grade watching USA Up All Night and The Bikini Carwash Company 2 came on. It was edited for cable and the sex scenes were blurred...but I got the gist. By now I'd expanded my physical attraction desires and fully accepted brunettes and redheads with large mammories as equal to blondes. And in the Pamela Anderson era, that was quite progressive of me.
I really hope you appreciated the above satirical tone.
By the way, younger millennials, in the mid 90s there wasn't an internet to browse. It was late night cable. We had to stay up and keep the volume low. It was exhausting. And these movies only came on once or twice a year. VCRs were recording all around the country.
Proof that I was beyond blondes only were two new favorite TV girls, Debbe Dunning of Home Improvement and Jennifer Dempster of ESPN 2's Bodyshaping.
I started watching Bodyshaping to get workout ideas for wrestling. The dudes were jacked! I wasn't. Haha. That's when I fell in love with Jennifer Dempster. The thin, fit, perky dark hair beauty was on my TV every morning from 6am to 7am. I had some free weights and would work out with the show. I looked forward to getting up every day. Saturday's were let downs because the show wasn't on.
Debbe Dunning replaced Pamela Anderson as the Tool Time girl. I was so obsessed my buddy DJ snapped at me one time saying, "She's not that hot! Get over it!" I wanted to buy her 1996 calendar. My mom objected. I still haven't forgiven her. Here's a few of those photos.
I suppose she knew why I wanted the calendar. She cleaned my sheets. She was just trying not to make more work for herself.
As you can see, my 6th grade Eureka moment inspired "a type" and I've realized over the past few years I've tried to fulfill that desire with a type that is near impossible to meet in real life or date me.
You might say, But aren't these girls everyone's type? I would argue yes...in America. In other parts of the world heavier women are desired. Older women are cherished. And hair color is irrelevant. In fact, genetically speaking, breast size is more of a western thing than eastern.
Therfore, my attraction is still unique to me, though many would agree, not all.
The Subconscious Mind
Like I mentioned before, DJ wasn't a fan of Debbe. Found her average. I remember thinking about the girl he liked in school. Very plain to me, but if his hormonal volcano eurrupted in the presence of a similar type, that would explain his association of attractiveness to that type of girl. Again...his crushes weren't ugly...just not in the mold and shape of mine.
Therefore, I believe men will unwillingly go after a type of girl that they associate with early childhood attraction. I don't remember finding a girl my own age attractive until 7th grade. I never had a school yard crush. I liked women. not girls. And the girls I liked in middle school were the ones who were genetically gifted too early in life.
Truly, I believe my subconscious was aware of my conscious lusts, and created a block toward other types.
TV Images Are Crucial
The main reason I was inspired to write this blog is because I believe that mine and other heterosexual males tastes in women were crafted at that pre-pubescent stage. Therefore, the images presented to us creates a blueprint for the rest of our lives if we don't control it.
There really is truth in the unattainable woman idea. That Hollywood creates false images through hair and makeup and costumes and lighting and men are now seeking what in reality isn't available, creating a blockage toward women who are interesting and beautiful and smart, but not in the way our brain first associates attraction and sexuality. Here's Dustin Hoffman explaining it even better than I could. I don't think he understands where his "shallowness" stemmed from, whereas I do. But take a watch!
Changing What We Find Attractive
A lot of people will say to me "I only find a certain type attractive" and say "I can't find short, fat, tall, etc. attractive." I understand. Your brain has high wired you. But why aren't other areas of a human being equally attractive?
What about integrity, character, honesty, loyalty, kindness, and other admirable traits? Movies and TV shows tend to showcases these heroic characteristics, but with already good looking people. If Danny Devito was the actual hero is more movies in the 80's, would women my age find that type more desirable?
I know people claim those attributes are important, yet many will date and marry good looking people who lack those traits hoping they'll gather them up on the journey of life.
NEWS FLASH! They probably won't. Why should they? Unless a huge life event occurs, many people stay the same. You "fell in love" with the jerk. They won. Why give up the trophy?
So while I believe there were images that formed what I thought to be physically attractive, I've had to learn and teach myself what else should be deemed desirable.
The questions arises now, how do these men that date average looking women not have a block like others do? I believe they were the lucky ones. At their moment of hormonal volcano eurruption, the girl they saw was doing something generous, and that became the association with attractiveness that they sought after from that moment on.
Paul Douglas Moomjean Blog's About What's on His Mind
Blogging allows for me to rant when there is no stage in the moment to talk about what's important and/or funny to me.