35 reasons I'm single before I turn 35.

Starting in September I came up with this idea. So here it goes. The 35 reasons why I'm single before I turn 35.


Reason #1
I look like a hobbit and a dwarf had a love child after a bad night at The Prancing Pony.


Reason #2
I canceled a date to watch the Trump/Clinton debate. AKA The Wrestlemania of political debates.


Reason #3
I enjoy the sound of my own voice too much. "I'm sure she said something very unique and interesting, but hey, can I chime in now?!"


Reason #4
Sometimes I Friendzone myself after I tell the girl, "Yes I do own a pet rabbit."


Reason #5
I'm not a big fan of sharing my food when we're out.

Reason #6
I put too much hope in Facebook quizzes.


Reason #7
I'm about as exciting & dangerous as a bucket of puppies on a bed of daisies, wrapped in a silk bow, prepared by Martha Stewart's mother.


Reason #8
Netflix and chill doesn't sound as productive and less stressful as Netflix and nap.


Reason #9
I'm a hobby/workaholic. If it wasn't coaching wrestling it was teaching. If it wasn't teaching it was comedy. Now if it's not comedy it's drinking. Gotta stay on track.


Reason #10
I feel like women would constantly have to defend being with me to their friends, family, strangers, and the news media.


Reason #11
I don't "fight" very hard for true love. If a girl isn't interested, I suppose there's a good reason. And I'm not interested in finding out.


Reason #12
I think I get the clowns tormenting the people. They just want attention. Maybe a date too.


Reason #13
I was told recently I'm too short to date. By someone shorter than me. It's always nice to be looked down at by someone who has to look up to me to talk.


Reason #14
I make enough money for a girl to want me to make more.


Reason #15
I just corrected a cute girl's verbal grammar.


Reason #16
I get off a three day road trip and I'm already planning the rest of my comedy week.


Reason #17
I seem to really like girls who like a very specific type. That type: Not Me.


Reason #18
I'm the antithesis of mysterious.


Reason #19
I'm not saying I'm self centered...but...yeah.


Reason #20
Carbs.


Reason #21
I make lists about being single.


Reason #22 & #23
I forget to do things sometimes. Like post reason number #22.


Reason #24
I once got called a very caring guy. Women are t into that as much as they claim. No one ever said...look at him. He looks so caring in that suit.

Reason #25
Women usually ask if they can be the designated driver when we go out.

Reason #26
I went to the doctor. Turns out I'm not actually as short as I thought. I'm shorter.

Reason #27
Most people try to set me up with my physical twin. Neither of us want that.


Reason #28
Every women worth dating is either married, engaged, or dating someone, or wants to be with someone who is married, engaged, or dating someone.


Reason #29 I'm single:
I get dragged into many more conversations at bars with drunk old men than any woman I see or meet.


Reason #30
I think I'm too big of a Star Wars nerd.

Reason #31
I'm very pushy because of Yoda. "Do or do not. There is no try."


Reason #32 I'm single.
Obamacare. Cuz that seems to be what we're blaming right now. And I wanna be in the loop.


Reason #33
I'm having a comedy birthday show during the trick or treat season. I'm not good with calendars. Or popping out on days of birth. Lol. People born in September and March don't have these holidays to compete with.


Reason #34
I like tacos. Too much.

Reason #35
God's will.

As an evangelical, it is my responsibility to say "God's will" whenever I'm figuring something out.