My Life in Wrestling

I like to consider myself the most famous least accomplished wrestler of all time. For a guy with no real wrestling accomplishments to have the influence I did in the California wrestling scene from 1999-2016 is quite something.

My career started in 1995 at Valley View Middle School. Thinking this was the first step to professional wrestling, I tried out for the junior high wrestling team.

In 1995-96 I went 4-5 in the Simi Valley Middle School season, taking second in the league, only because my semi-finals my opponent had an asthma attack and I pinned him while he couldn't breathe. I was majored in the finals. My only other accomplishment that year was I lost 15 pounds.

The next year at Simi Valley high school, I lost my pigtail at the 1996 Thousand Oaks novice tournament and then pinned the other loser. But I did take third at the Rio Mesa Frosh/Soph that year. I still thank Rio Mesa’s coach Todd Stoke when I see him for having that tournament. And I still mention it when I run the seeding meeting at Newbury Park Invitational.

Got promoted to Varsity at the end of my sophomore year because we needed the carpool drivers. That is not a joke. The regular varsity wrestler was a sophomore who went JV to win the league title. He pinned a kid in the finals I beat three days earlier. So I made myself a certificate as the “unofficial” JV Champ at school on Monday. I threw it away on Tuesday.

My two year varsity career was more uneventful than a Biden press conference. I went 0-6 at Marmonte Varsity League Finals over three years at Simi High. I won two actual matches. I beat a kid from Santa Monica who pinned himself, and I pinned a kid from Agoura who went o-7 in league. I went a much more impressive 1-5 that year in league, and 2-11 overall, losing in the first round of most carry tournaments.

I was injured most of my senior year, but filled out brackets better than any stat girl in the country. Humble brag - I was in honors English. I finished my illustrious career with a 13-15 JV record and 2-18 varsity record. Lettered twice. Didn’t get any awards at the banquet. So the team gave my an honorary Team Spirit Award for not missing a practice in two years, even when injured. I was Rudy.

My college career was even less impressive. I wrestled one day at Moorpark College in the summer of 1997 as a junior in high school, thinking it would be good to get beat up by college kids. My carpool partner quit after a day, so I wasn't able to go back. Still got a B in the class because Head Coach Paul Keysaw had no idea who I was, as I was on the roster for the summer class but never went. Easiest B I ever earned.

My coaching career started at Simi High (1999-2006) and then Royal (2006-2008) where I helped Royal win two league championships. I won one league title at Simi Valley in 2001 with a group of wrestlers in which half became ineligible after league finals.

At Royal I helped them reach new heights, even though one of dads turned assistant coach made my life hell. Eventually we had to kick him off the staff. His kid was the only CIF State qualifier. That was awkward. I was fired after leading the team to a league title and top three finish in CIF, because the coach who brought me on said “I don’t want people thinking you’re the reason for the success of the team.”

I ended up coaching at Moorpark College in 2008 and after that they canceled the program. So I went to El Camino Real, where I was part of three LA City Titles.

During 2004-2010 I was one of the head coaches for the TCWA All-Star teams. Mostly because the President and Treasurer knew I wouldn't take the petty cash to a strip club or buy alcohol, which I guess had happened in the past. Adults, am I right?

As the Team Leader we placed top 5 in Freestyle Duals every year and in 2010 took 2nd in the state in both Greco and Freestyle. With the coaching assistance of Buck Blakeman, Terry Fischer, Anthony Califano, Paul Clemente, Scott Yvarra, and many more, we overcame crappy seeding and hours of travel to succeed.

From 2009-2016 I was part of a few CIF committees because of the committee seeding data I collected when they switched from an all coaches meeting to a league rep seeding meeting. And a few times I was brought in to run CIF seeding meetings. But that was only because I was the SS Ranking dude for the TCW. And a lot of dads would send me nasty emails about how their son should be ranked in the SS because he took 4th at a 5-Way. Dads ruin sports. Never forget that.

In 2016 I won a LA City Title with my good friend Terry Fischer. As we left the Roybal High School gym, he looked at me and said, “We won the championship tonight, and no one in China cares.”

That might be the best way to define my career.